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Horse Racing Jokes

The fun thing about betting on horse racing is that you’re guaranteed to win! All you have to do is bet on all the horses.

What’s the difference between praying in church and at the track? At the track you really mean it!

One day at the track, I got a tip from my backside friends. A horse named “The Power of Prayer” was running in the sixth race. I placed my bets and found my seat. I should have known better: when the starting gate opened, he broke on his knees.


Did you hear about the guy who went to the races and while there he observed a Roman Catholic priest who went over to a horse and sprinkled it with holy water. The horse went on to win the race, streaking ahead of the opposition. Before the next race he saw the priest go over to another horse and sprinkle it with holy water. Like the first horse it went on to win its race.

The guy said to himself that if the priest sprinkles another horse with holy water I am going to bet every penny I have on that horse. Sure enough, the priest went over to another horse and sprinkled it with holy water. So the guy went to a bookie and bet every penny he had on this horse.

Then the race started and the horse that the priest sprinkled with holy water dropped dead about 100 yards after the start of the race.

The guy was devastated. So he went over to the priest and said, “What’s going on here? The last two horses you sprinkled with holy water went on to win their races, and this last one you sprinkled dropped dead after only 100 yards. I had put every penny I had on it’s nose!”

The priest replied, “You’re not Roman Catholic, are you?” The guy admitted that he was not and asked, “But, how do you know that?”

The priest said, “Because you don’t know the difference between giving a blessing and administering the last rights.”


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