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Landover Baptist Church

From Mark

(Warning: parody, satire!!!!!!!!)


PRESS RELEASE// —————————————————————– T H E L A N D O V E R B A P T I S T C H U R C H S A T I R E http://www.landoverbaptist.org May 19, 1998 e-mail protected from spam bots —————————————————————–

Falls Church VA/ Los Angeles CA/: Getting Kicked Out of Jerry Falwell’s School Three Weeks Before Graduation, served as the fuel for what has become one of the most popular church parodies on the internet. A breath of fresh air and comedic relief comes just in time, as the Christian Coalition secedes from the Republican Party. Effective, intelligent, insightful humor, that stands out as some of the most creative, sharp work being being done in the genre today.

Chris Harper and Mike Allen’s, “Landover Baptist Church” is tickling the soft underbelly of the religious right, and causing quite a stir in religious circles all over the internet. It’s become the subject of cyber-gossip, and discussion in the far-reaching corners of the world wide web.

“We’re not bitter against anyone,” states Chris Harper, Landover Baptist’s head writer and Chief Editor, “We have devoted a good portion of our lives to studying Baptists. We know their beliefs, habits, their likes and dislikes. We believe that although Landover Baptist is a satire, it represents an accurate picture of what the Church is becoming.” Harper, who after the expulsion went on to receive graduate and post graduate degrees in English from George Mason University in Fairfax, VA., is considered (having been on the inside for many years) to be an expert when it comes to exposing uncomfortable issues, and doctrines within the Fundamentalist Baptist sub-culture.

Today, the Landover Baptist Church Satire encompasses a wide variety of parody work. It has a slew of writers from across the country. Most of them experts in the fundamentalist movement. The material on the website grabs you by the jugular, and doesn’t let go. It’s an entertaining way of looking at a world run by right wing Fundamentalist Christians. It makes you laugh, but also makes you think. “From our experience,” Harper states, “The most effective way of getting people to think, is through ‘hard, non-apologetic, biting satire.’ It might hurt, but in the end we come out making more sense of ourselves.”

Some Current Features include:

1. A pastor who lights himself on fire during a sermon on Hell 2. A talking parrot who win souls in exchange for crackers. 3. Baptist youths rewarded for destroying statues of Mary. 4. The Landover Baptist Gun Store. 5. The church puts itself under Old Testament Law for a week. 6. A Personal Testimony Improvement Center 7. The complex list of church beliefs & related fines for violations. 8. Whoever led the worst life before they became a Christian contest. 9. A protest on Landover Baptist’s Closed Door Policy on Sinners.


1. A pastor who goes a little too far while delivering a sermon on Hell, and lights himself on fire to prove a point. He is seriously injured, but all is justified because 200 people give their lives to Christ.


2. A talking parrot leads thousands to Christ. He specializes in a children’s ministry where he Preaches the gospel message and is rewarded with crackers.


3. Landover Baptist youths are applauded for their ‘anti-Catholic’ actions. A reward is given to the Youth who can smash the most statues of Mary.


4. A Baptist Gun store opens up and offers discounts to church members. Old gospel circuit riders teach parishioners the ancient technique of ‘gunpoint evangelism.’


5. The church prepares for it’s annual ‘Levitical Law Week,’ where members place themselves back under Old Testament Law for one week. As a result of the anxiety over the event, a golden calf is erected in the main sanctuary, and 46 church members accidentally stone a man to death for looking at the pastor’s wife.

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0699/stoning.html http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0699/calf.html

6. The church has a ministry called the “Personal Testimony Improvement Center” where members who feel as if they have led too much of a ‘moral’ life, can intentionally backslide in order to gain a more ‘high-impact’ testimony.


7. The church has a long list of complicated rules and regulations one must follow, or suffer a fine. (this was inspired by Falwell’s ‘fining’ system at Liberty University. designed to punish students financially for breaking rules)


8. A personal testimony contest, where the person who led the worst life before they became a Christian wins a free cruise, and gets their testimony put up on the website for all to see.


9. A church news story, where homosexuals and liberals express outrage at Landover Baptist’s Closed Door Policy on sinners and unsaved persons.


——————————————————————————– (More information on Mike Allen and Chris Harper can be found at: http://www.erols.com/oddities-inc/ –excerpts from the radio show that got them expelled from Falwell’s school in 1989, and links to newspaper articles about the expulsion)

from http://www.prweb.com/releases/1999/5/prweb8103.php


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