A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.  ¢â‚¬Å“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen? ¢â‚¬  he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.  ¢â‚¬Å“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais? ¢â‚¬  he tries. The two continue to stare.  ¢â‚¬Å“Parlare Italiano? ¢â‚¬  No response.  ¢â‚¬Å“Hablan ustedes Espanol? ¢â‚¬  Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says,  ¢â‚¬Å“Y ¢â‚¬â„¢know, maybe we should learn a foreign language. ¢â‚¬   ¢â‚¬Å“Why? ¢â‚¬  says the other.  ¢â‚¬Å“That guy knew four languages, and it didn ¢â‚¬â„¢t do him any good. ¢â‚¬ 

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A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.” “I’m very sorry,” replied the young man, “is there anything I can do for you?” “Yes,” she said, “As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Good bye, Mother’? It would make me feel so much better.” “Sure,” answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out, “Goodbye, Mother!” As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. “How can that be?” He asked, “I only purchased a few things!” “Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.

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One day a man is walking down the street when he sees an old man with a nice looking dog. He goes over to the man and asks: ‘Does your dog bite?’ the old man replies ‘No never’. When the man bends down to stroke the dog, it immediately takes a snap at his hand. The man says ‘I thought you said your dog did not bite! ‘I did’ replies the old man, ‘but this isn’t my dog!’

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A man walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He replied, “I got shingles.”

She said, “Fill out this form and supply your name, address, medical insurance number. When you’re done, please take a seat.”

Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked him what he had. He said, “I got shingles.”

So she took down his height, weight, and complete medical history, then said, “Change into this gown and wait in the examining room.”

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, “I got shingles.”

So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told him to wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.”

The doctor gave him a full-cavity examination, and then said, “I just checked you out thoroughly, and I can’t find shingles anywhere. ” The man replied, “They’re outside in the truck. Where do you want them?”

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