The Titanic, on her maiden voyage, just set sail from the shores of
England. It was the most magnificent ship ever built, and everybody is
very excited. No expense has been spared – the vast dining rooms,
casinos, hundreds of neatly groomed waiters and polite service staff,
string quartets, the works.
Every night at the bar, they had this magician come on and perform
the most wonderfully amazing tricks of conjury the world had ever seen.
It’s the first night of the voyage, and everyone is eager to see this
great man at work, except there was one slight problem. There was this
parrot, who’d sit on the bar top by the peanuts, and ruin each trick as
the magician performed them. Each time, the parrot would sit quietly
until the trick was almost completed, and say things like, “Squark! It’s
up his sleeve!” or “Sqeeek! He’s hidden it in the hat!” etc., and ruin
the trick for the magician.
Every time, the parrot would do this, and the magician would get
madder and madder as the night wore on.
The same happened on the next night, and the one after that. The
magician would shake with fury at this silly parrot ruining his world
famous show. He spent his days devising even better and more
stupendously amazing tricks in an effort to fool this bloody parrot.
One night, the magician is about to perform his greatest trick of
the voyage. The lights are dimmed, a hushed silence sweeps across the
bar floor, a drum roll builds up to a mighty crescendo as the magician
performs his final piece de resistance….and suddenly the ship hits an
iceberg and sinks…
For three days, the magician manages to cling to a door floating
around in the wreckage, starving, thirsty. On the third day, he notices
at the other end of the door, the parrot, sitting calmly and quietly,
staring back at him. For three more days the magician just glowers at
him, not saying a word – bitter, hushed, resentful, silence.
…Until one day, the parrot can’t contain himself any longer and
“Alright! I give up! What have you done with the ship?!”