Although the site deals exclusively with abused people, I’ve seen toxic hope in people I know, two relating to partners, one in business. In the business situation, the venture has been going under for many years. The businessman behind it is brilliant and knows how to turn dust into gold. But his favourite idea has been souring for a long time: first breaking even but then, for the past eight years, haemorrhaging badly.

Despite his insightful nature, despite logic, despite advice from advisers, he won’t let go. He is living in toxic (and expensive) hope; blind to the evidence that other people can see.

One friend is equally hopeful that she can change her man. She is living in the toxic hope that he will suddenly realise the error of his ways and make adjustments to his behaviour that would lead to a blissful life together, given their exciting careers. He loves her madly, so it’s of great confusion to us all that he won’t do the thing he knows would make them both happy. Worse is that he does it for a while, giving her hope – then goes back to bad patterns.

He’s locked in self-destructive behaviour and, despite endless promises, would rather delude himself than seek help. The evidence is there. He won’t change. Her choice is to stay with him the way he really is now, or leave. By keeping on nagging and hoping, she is acting out the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.

The thing about toxic hope is it leads to resentment and exhaustion. The man whose business won’t pull through has started blaming everyone in anger: his advisers, staff, even his web optimiser and he himself are all growing tired. It’s sapping his entrepreneurial energy for better things. The two women I know in toxic hope relationships constantly feel disappointed, duped and drained.

Toxic hope is living for a bright future that has no evidence of coming to fruition. “But if only he would,” cries my girlfriend with tears of frustration. Otherwise put: “If pigs had wings, they’d be birds.”

The question posed on the toxic hope website is this: “Are you growing in this relationship?” Or are you being dragged down by the vicious cycle of optimism then anger? If resentment and exhaustion are the by-products of toxic hope, then it’s time to make tough decisions.When hope springs eternal, chop off its head.