Humor
The Ostrich
Message ============ A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich. A short time later […]
Occupations
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy. “Tommy,” replied the second. “My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?” asked Billy. Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.” “Honest?” asked […]
Runaway Husband
This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought himself a new bright red Porsche. So he decided to take his new Porsche on a test drive down the interstate one day. He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway […]
The Speech
*Blah Blah Blah* The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. “What’s the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?” he demanded to know. “Half the audience walked […]
ORGANISTS BEHAVING BADLY
REVENGE IS ‘SWEET CHARIOT’ FOR ORGANISTS BEHAVING BADLY (LONDON — 2 Dec 03) — THE ENGLISH organist at St Peter’s, Melbourne, rubbed salt into a gaping wound last week when he cunningly smuggled ‘Swing Low, Sweet Chariot’ into a musical interlude during morning worship. Just 24 hours before, England had dramatically snatched the Rugby World […]
CHOOSING A NAME
Someone has come up with the following “Rules For Choosing a Superhero Name”: 1. Don’t call yourself by your real name. (e.g., Ms. Jenny Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster). 2. Don’t call yourself by someone else’s real name. (e.g., Mr. Teddy Kennedy, Captain Tom Cruise). 3. Choose a name that suggests power, heroism and prowess. […]
The Dress
The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. “How could you do this!” he exclaimed.”I don’t know,” she wailed, “I was standing in the store looking at the dress on sale.Then I found myself trying it on.It was like the Devil was […]
That’ll Fix ‘im
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and […]
Oooops
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. “You know, Love” she says, “I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, everything’s going south, my butt is hanging out […]
Marriage: kids’ views
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. Camille, age 10 No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. Freddie, age 6 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You […]
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