Humor
Aniversary
It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office. He told the florist to write “Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2” on the card. I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased about the card. It read “Happy Anniversary. You’re Number 2.”
Coffee
Bill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days. As they slid in to a booth, Bill wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus. “No thanks,” […]
Broken Leg
An elderly lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs. Several months later, the doctor took off the cast. “Can I climb stairs now?” asked the little old lady. “Yes,” he replied. “Thank goodness!” […]
Carpool
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one of the fellows and left it on his desk: “I have a last-minute meeting. […]
Old Age
Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. “You know, honey,” I said sweetly, “Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married.” “Honey,” he replied with a grin, […]
Matchmaker
A young lady visited a computer dating service and requested, “I’m looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?” The matchmaker said, “What exactly are you looking for?” “Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany […]
Time
A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on […]
Sisters
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. “I’ll never do that again!” he told his mother that evening. “I didn’t catch a thing!” “Oh, next time I’m sure she’ll be quiet and not scare […]
Nurse
One weekend my friend Sally, a nurse, was looking after her six-year-old nephew when he fell off a playground slide and hit his head. Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all night. Every hour, she’d gently shake him and ask, “What’s your name?” Soon, he began moaning in protest each time […]
Animal Cruelty
“Hello, hello?” shrilled a spinsterish voice over the phone. “Is this the SPCA?” “Yes.” “I want you to send somebody over right away.” “What’s wrong?” “There’s a horrid magazine salesman sitting in a tree teasing my dog.”
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