“That drede that makith us hastily to fleen from all that is not good, and fallen into our Lords brest as the child into the moder barme, with all our entent and with all our mynd, knowand our febilness and our gret nede, knowing His everlesting goodnes and His blisfull love . it is kinde, gracious, good, and true. And all that contraries to this, either it is wronge or it is melid with wronge.

Julian, LXXIV

(the dread that makes us flee from what is not good and fall with all mind and intent onto our Lord’s breast as the child into the mother’s bosom, which knows our feebleness . which knows His everlasting goodness and His blessed love . is a kind, gracious, good, and true fear. Anything contrary to this is either completely or partially wrong.)

Freud’s (somewhat wayward) disciple, Melanie Klein sought to shift the focus in the way we understand human development. It may seem obvious now, but she was radical in suggesting a shift away from Sigmund’s belief in pre-set, innate “psychosexual stages”, to a study of the way in which parents might positively or negatively affect the way a child grows. Klein was a pioneer of what became known as Object Relations Theory. At its most basic it speaks of the way people gain a sense of who they are primarily through their interactions with various “objects” they encounter – especially during their earlier development. In early childhood a baby has a “phantasy” that makes it impossible for her to see a differentiation between her own physical sensations and the world around. In this phantasy a breast is seen as either actively persecuting by causing hunger (by not appearing) or appeasing hunger. The child cannot differentiate the mother from the breast and considers the breast as either good or bad depending on whether it meets her needs or not.

In the late 40s and 50s Bowlby, Winnicott and others built on Klein’s theories and developed a series of ideas that could be roughly grouped together as Attachment Theory. The “phantasies” we create in our primary relationship (usually with a mother) go on to shape our lives in fundamental ways. The child whose needs were not met in a sustained and trust-worthy way grows to feel insecure in the ability of anyone to meet her needs. We either avoid true intimacy out of fear of being disappointed or cling desperately to any offer of love. In longitudinal studies undertaken in Minnesota in the sixties and seventies it was found that as children grow, their secure, avoidant or anxious attachment styles shape every aspect of their lives and it is nearly impossible to move beyond the initial experience of one’s life. The dread that overwhelms the baby when her physical, emotional and spiritual needs are not met – becomes the theme of her life. Primitive feelings of fear, sadness or rage lie just below the surface and are easily tapped in a world where few are able or willing to satisfy our yearnings in a sustained and substantial way. Many addictive and destructive patterns in our lives and relationships find their roots in these primitive fears – the yearning for the “good breast” and the rage (turned either outward or inward) when it does not appear.

In the seventy-fourth chapter, Julian indicates that in itself this “dread” is not completely futile. It can have a useful purpose – turning us from the dried up bosom of a fallen world to a place of true goodness and love. We need to move beyond a place of blaming others, feeling sorry for ourself, ruthlessly using, and a fear of annihilation (a great Kleinian term!). At that point, in the arms of love we may “please and honour the Lord” by learning to trust in Him despite, or perhaps because, of our awareness of the limitations of our own strength to gain what we think we need from the world around us. “The effects which in this life naturally stem from reverent dread become, through the gracious working of the Holy Spirit, in heaven and before God, gentle courteous, and delightful. There, through our love for him, we shall be near God and really at home. .”

Martin & Jude de Graaf ——————————————————— The only thing that helps me pass the time away knowing I’ll be back in Echo Beach some day. On silent summer evenings, the sky’s alive with light. A building in the distance – surrealistic sight. On Echo Beach, waves make the only sound. On Echo Beach, there’s not a soul around.