I am amazed at how much tragedy comes out of religion and religiosity! It’s always been this way throughout the ages. Mankind, attempting to reach God on his own and believing he has found “the” way, feels the need to show it off to others. This external show seems to take the place of a genuine experience with God. We all have a tendency to do it. Just by changing your behavior a bit into a religious showing makes you feel a little better than others. And if your behavior change is different from the rest of the world, then all the better. “I am now taking a stand for my God that stands out!” “I’m closer to God than you.” “I’m definitely more pious than you.” And that translates into a little boost for my fading self-esteem.

This external demonstration is accompanied with one of two emphases. First, you can take on an exclusivity modus operandi. The attitude here is that we have something that no one else has and we are privileged to take on this role…too bad for everyone else who has a lesser calling. This is an establishment of an exclusive club with a very small membership that represents “holiness and righteousness” to the world. You may join by jumping through several hoops, but it isn’t that important to those who are on the “inside” whether you choose to convert or not.

Second, you can take on an aggressive evangelistic mode. The attitude here is that we have something that no one else has, therefore we are compelled to convert everyone else to our ways by any means possible–propaganda, manipulation and for some, even the use of force.

The common denominator within every religious system attempting to reach God is that each religion contains more man-made doctrine than that which is from God. I call them “add-ons” that each religious system feels the need to collect and construct along the way. And in most every case, these add-ons nullify or de-emphasize the real message from God. I see it as a basic math problem of addition, subtraction, division and multiplication. An add-on will ‘subtract’ from the will of God, ‘add’ to the will of God, ‘divide’ the people of God or ‘overemphasize’ a teaching about God. But these add-ons are man-made.

In my early training as a Christian I was introduced to so many add-ons–a few do’s and mostly don’ts! About the only thing one could do to be a good Christian in our community was to lie in bed inert! There was a list of them with NO or DON’T in front of them–dancing, drinking, movies, skating, jewelry, make-up, ad nauseum. Dancing seemed to be the worst in our religious world. In fact, we were warned that premarital sex was bad because it might lead to dancing! I really think most of these man-made rules were made up by leaders who just didn’t like them or couldn’t do them. In the case of dancing, I’m convinced this rule is taught by those who can’t dance or don’t enjoy it. The truth is “Don’t dance, because I can’t!”

There was a list of “don’ts” prominently displayed on the side wall of our church auditorium. I remember sitting there and looking over that list of 10 or more things that I wasn’t supposed to do and thinking, “Several of these are my goals in life!” That did it for me!

Religion or religiosity doesn’t work for me! It’s negative, heavy, full of bondage, embalming, deceptive, destructive, gives cause to a fundamentalist extremism that can be ruthless and cutting–all in the spirit of being PIOUS. The best definition of pious that I’ve found is “FULL OF PIES.”

Here’s why religion and religiosity don’t work! Religion is man’s best attempt to reach God on his own. Therefore, it is limited to the best that man and be or do. It’s like climbing up to heaven on a 6 foot ladder…it only goes up 6 feet! It can’t be done!

There is an alternative that I have found to be most satisfying of all. Instead of a religious path to God that relies totally on me, I have found a ‘relationship’ with God that changes the entire motif. Religion is man trying to reach God on his own. A relationship is based upon God, the Creator, trying to reach man in order to empower him to be and do all that he was created to be and to do! The religious mode is the attempt to avoid hell; the relationship mode says, “I’ve already been to hell and I don’t want to go back!”

So a relationship with the God of gods is not an external show, but an internal, personal relationship. In this mode you can talk with God, listen to God, hang out with God and enjoy His empowerment of you, His unique and unrepeatable creation. Most people come to this realization of a personal relationship with God by the process of elimination…nothing else works!

Jeremiah, the Prophet, spoke about this when he said, “Behold, days are coming when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah, not like the covenant which I made with their fathers in the day I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt…But I will put my law within them and on their heart I will write it…and I will be their God and they will be my people.” (Jeremiah 31:31ff) In other words, mankind’s relationship with God is just that–a personal relationship with God! It’s a heart thing–a heart that trusts in God, a heart that is bent toward Him. I like the Scripture that says “And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and the He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.”

Max Lucado in one of his books speaks to this personal relationship mode by describing John and how he chose to hang around after Jesus died…

“Can God turn tragedy into triumph? John would tell you that God can turn any tragedy into a triumph, if only we will wait and watch.

And to prove his point, he would tell you about one Friday in particular.

Could there be a greater tragedy for John than a dead Jesus? Three years earlier John had turned his back on his career and cast his lot with this Nazarene carpenter. A week earlier John enjoyed a tickertape parade as Jesus and the disciples entered Jerusalem. But oh how quickly things had turned! The people who called him king on Sunday called for his death on Friday. And now these linens are a tangible reminder that his friend and his future are about to be wrapped in cloth and sealed behind a rock.

You see, John doesn’t know what you and I know. He doesn’t know that Friday’ s tragedy will be Sunday’s triumph.

That’s what makes what he did on Saturday so important.

Now, we don’t know much about John’s actions, but we do know this: when Sunday comes, John is still present. When Mary Magdalene comes looking for him, she finds him.

John doesn’t leave. Jesus is dead. The Master’s body is lifeless. John’s friend and future are buried. But John has not left. Why? Is he waiting for the Resurrection? No. As far as he knows, the lips are forever silent and the hands forever still. He’s not expecting a Sunday surprise. Then why is he here?

Perhaps the answer is pragmatic. Perhaps he’s taking care of Jesus’ mother. Or perhaps he didn’t have anywhere else to go. Could be he didn’t have any money or energy or direction … or all of the above.

Or, or maybe he lingers because he loves Jesus.

You see, to others, Jesus was a miracle worker. To others, Jesus was a master teacher. To others, Jesus was the hope of Israel. But to John, he was all of these and more. To John, Jesus was a friend.

And you don’t abandon a friend – not even when that friend is dead. John stayed close to Jesus.

What about you? When you are in John’s position, what do you do? When it’s Saturday in your life, how do you react? When you are somewhere between yesterday’s tragedy and tomorrow’s triumph, what do you do? Do you leave God – or do you linger near Him?

John chose to linger. And because he lingered on Saturday, he was around on Sunday to see the miracle.

Could such a change happen to you? I have no doubt. You simply need to do what John did. Don’t leave. Hang around.

Remember the second half of the passage. “God works for the good of those who love Him” (Romans 8:28). That’s how John felt about Jesus. He loved Him. He didn’t understand Him or always agree with Him, but He loved Him.

And because he loved Him, he stayed near Him.

I’d like you to try a simple exercise. Look at that Romans verse again.” … in everything God works for the good of those who love Him.” Now, remove the word “everything” and replace it with the symbol of your tragedy. How would Romans 8:28 read in your life?

In hospital stays God works for the good.

In divorce papers God works for the good.

In a prison term God works for the good.

If God can change John’s life through a tragedy, could it be that He will use a tragedy to change yours?

As hard as it may be to believe, you could be only a Saturday away from a resurrection. And you could be only hours from that prayer of a changed heart. “God, did you do this for me?’

Well, what will it be? An external, religious system of do’s and don’ts that produces bondage, bitching and banality or the dynamic of a personal relationship with the God of gods that produces freedom, celebration and a reason to be alive and make a difference? YOU CHOOSE…

Tim Timmons, LA talk show host, author, educator, therapist and pastor…maintains an active website, http://www.timtimmons.com, that is most empowering for personal, people and professional success.