Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?

He’s all right now.

What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?

National Dyslexics Association.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?

A stick.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?

They all have phones.

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected a quart of milk, a carton of eggs, juice, and a package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyer belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her, watched as she placed her items in front of the cashier.

The drunk said, “You must be single.”

The woman, a bit startled, looked at the four items on the belt, and, seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections, replied, “Well, y’know, that’s right. But how on earth did you know that?”

The drunk said, “Cause you’re uglier ‘n anyone I know.”