Angel Feathers, Joy & Love

Feather Forestwalker, 2/10/99. (Read to our congregation as a sermon on the day I was re-baptized, February 14, 1999).

If angels have wings, then God sent one or two to my car last night, as they left feather-prints on the glass and roof of my car. The ice formed last night, creating a beautiful pattern of splayed feathers and God allowed me to see it. These feathers weren’t perfectly symmetrical, either. They were, however, splayed from the bottom of the windshield up and out, getting longer as they reached the roof. On the roof, there seemed to be a smattering of feathers, as if some large bird had sat preening before flying off into the icy night, leaving a few behind. In that moment, I began thinking about the words that someone told me recently; “remember the joy.” I get great joy out of God’s creation and have for many years. Once, a long time ago, I was accused of worshipping the creation over the Creator. It was, in effect, true. I loved birds and nature, animals, plants, mushrooms and invertebrates more than I loved the God Who made them.

Convicted in my spirit, I have recently re-discovered the joy in loving others more than myself. Yet there are those times when, even in that love, there is a selfishness there that attempts to bog me down with the belief that the love I have for that person or this person is better, somehow, than even God’s! I cringe when I write this, because I am shamed in my spirit. There is no greater Love than God’s Love: Jesus said: “Greater love has no one than this; than one lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13. (NASB) So, I check myself: would I lay down my life for my friends and brothers and sisters in this church? Would I, for instance, step in front of a moving car to push my sister Dee out of the way? Is Jesus talking about that kind of laying down of life? Is He talking about dying that another may live, as in His prime example to us all? Or, since He has already done that, is He talking about giving up our selfish concerns for the betterment of others? “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself, do not merely look out for your own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4 (NASB). Perhaps it is both. So I ask God, “Lord, how can I look out for the interests of others, that I may glorify You?” And in the smallest of ways, He answers me, and shows me where He wants me to be in every situation, as long as I am listening, open and willing.

Whether it’s simply praying for and with another as they express the need, offering a shoulder to lean on when someone is down, or offering the comfort of a warm embrace, it is God working in me whenever these things occur. My selfish nature doesn’t like to get “too close.”

My selfish pride does not wish to submit to my elders. It does not like to hug, embrace or even pray, and instead has sought its own selfish ends. But God is merciful and has begun some mighty works in my heart, killing the dying parts, removing the dead parts and refining me in His Love. My humanness, if left to itself, would revel in my own deep pit of despair, as that was familiar and comforting to me in a somewhat morbid way. See, I have what psychologists call “Major Depression, Recurrent,” a nice way of saying that I am “this close” to Bi-polar Disorder, something one of my older brothers suffers from, as well as my uncle and cousin. Witnessing and living with the effects of this disorder can be like living in pure hell for those who do not suffer from it. I, on the other hand, have experienced it in friends, relatives and even, to some degree, in myself. Giving this illness to God has set me free, however, from the bondage of its darkness, and slowly, I’ve begun to reach out to people more than to the animals that come to me for care. See, I had been replacing human love for the love of an animal. They were somehow safe; they would never disagree, talk back or be jerks. Oh, I still love birds and animals, don’t get me wrong! I love them, though, with a new knowledge and a new appreciation for the Creator, knowing that all the imperfections of this world will be swallowed up in victory when everything is reconciled to Him in and for His glory. Praise God that there is a New Heaven and a New Earth coming!

My brothers and sisters in Christ, I love you. In some ways, this is with a human love, but for the most part, God willing, I pray that it is with a love that He has given me for you. For I am a selfish, prideful, somewhat arrogant human, with the self-serving goal of the desire for recognition and fame written all over me.

Lord, I ask that You would put in me the desire to serve as a pillar of support to my brothers and sisters in Christ, with the goal being not mine, but Your, glory. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

[Note from Rowland: I have come to know and appreciate Feather on the alt.christnet.christianlife Usenet newsgroup. April 2004].