Relationships are not enough (Letters to The Age, April 6, 2004)

I beg to differ with Lindsay Tanner when he suggests (Opinion, 5/4) that relationships are what is of primary significance when it comes to young people.

As someone who has spent 15 years working with adolescents in state and private schools, I have found time and time again that what caused far more angst was the timeless, existential questions such as, “Who am I and how do I understand my place in the world?”. Call this individualism if you wish, but this is the fundamental centre of our quest to understand what it is to be human.

What is of far deeper significance is the answers to these questions, which far too often are glib and lacking in deep thought. For adolescent girls to hear that relationships are the key to one’s sense of worth and satisfaction can yet again perpetuate the Cinderella syndrome: where through magazine fodder and the onslaught of teen movies they are told that with the right body and makeover they will find eternal happiness in the arms of the school jock.

Of course relationships are important. They are fundamental to our existence as human beings. But what is far more important is how we see ourselves and our place in the world. At times this may even mean standing alone.

This week is Holy Week for Christians and we will yet again enter the story of Christ, whose mission was not so much to create happy relationships but more a desire to transform the world to be a place where justice and peace reign – socially, politically and spiritually.

What is a far more important mission for the church is to take up the challenge to be part of this radical way of living, even it seems somewhat daggy, outdated and part of yesterday’s people.

Reverend Sue Gormann, moderator, Uniting Church Synod of Victoria and Tasmania