Some more of those “actual signs” that were [supposedly] seen by “actual people.”

At the Electric Company: “We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don’t, you will be.”

In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.”

At a Towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”

In a Nonsmoking Area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

On a Maternity Room door: “Push. Push. Push.”

At an Optometrist’s Office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”

On a Fence: “Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.”

At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet-miss a car payment.”

Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”