“ABOUT FROST”

My English professor was stopped for speeding. When asked why she was driving so fast, she quoted Robert Frost: “I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep.” DRINKING AND DRIVING When my son was about 4 years old, we were driving down the road. I took a drink of my coffee, and the lid came off and spilled all over me. I mumbled a little bit, and pulled over to wipe up the mess, at which time my son rolled his eyes, shook his fingern at me, and said, “That is exactly why you are NOT supposed to drink and drive!!”

An English professor was reading Canterbury Tales to his class and noticed that one of his students had fallen asleep. The professor was annoyed enough to send the book spinning through the air and bounce it off the sleeper’s skull. Startled awake, the student asked what had hit him. “That,” said the professor, “was a flying Chaucer.”

TODAY’S JOKE

The basketball coach stormed into the university president’s office and demanded a raise right then and there. “Please,” protested the college President, “you already make more than the entire History department.” “Yeah, maybe so, but you don’t know what I have to put up with,” the coach blustered. “Look.” He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. “Run over to my office and see if I’m there,” he ordered. Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. “You’re not there, sir,” he reported. “Oh, I see what you mean,” conceded the President, scratching his head. “I would have phoned.”

BLOND GUYS There were two blonde guys working for the city. One would dig a hole, the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked furiously all day without rests, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, “I appreciate the effort you are putting into your work, but what’s the story? You dig a hole and your partner follows behind and fills it up again.” The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, “Well, normally we are a three-man team, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today.” LAWYERS Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

I AM STATIONED in an Airborne unit in Germany, where our drop zone is next to a Mercedes-Benz test track. One windy day a gust blew me over the track. Knowing how hard a landing on asphalt can be, I braced myself, landed and checked for broken bones. Amazingly, I was fine. Suddenly the wind reinflated my parachute and started dragging me. I hit the chute’s canopy release and looked up just in time to see a car speeding straight toward me. I grabbed my chute and ran to the edge of the track. Out of breath, but uninjured, I thought, How lucky can I be? Then I turned, stepped in a gopher hole and twisted my ankle.

AT the maritime museum where I work, we occasionally use midshipmen to do the “dirty work” of restoring a 100-year-old cruiser. One day the Navy sent a crew of 20 men, while the Marines sent a crew of three. Teasing one Navy midshipman, I said, “You mean it takes twenty Navy guys to do the work of only three Marines?” “Sir, no, sir,” he snapped back. “The truth is, sir, it takes six or seven of us to supervise each one of those Marines!”

LAST NIGHT, NO SLEEP

A woman in Keystone, Colo., woke up her husband at 4:00 a.m. saying their son was struggling with an intruder. Greg McMurray ran to his son’s bedroom and confronted a man, later identified by police as Kristopher Zeller, 34. The 8-year- old boy broke from Zeller’s grasp and his father then started work on persuading Zeller to leave by prodding him with a barbell. When that failed, he picked up a golf club and started hitting Zeller with it. Every time he knocked Zeller down he got back up. After breaking two clubs on the man, McMurray switched to an iron fireplace poker, which was bent out of shape by Zeller’s head. Zeller finally left the residence and was captured nearby. “It’s a very strange case,” said sheriff John Minor. “I have no clue what this guy was thinking.” TELLING SECRETS

Jill complained to Nina, “Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her.” “Well,” replied Nina in a hurt tone, “I told her not to tell you I told her.” “Oh dear!” sighed Jill. “Well, don’t tell her I told you that she told me.” and… ARCHEOLOGICAL GROANER After a heavy day’s digging at the archeological site in Norway, researchers uncovered a priceless statue of the ancient Norse thunder god. He had bulging muscles and imposing stance, and his famous giant hammer. But most important of all, the eyes in his fierce-looking face were made of two giant rubies that glittered with a brilliant red color. Of course, the two leading archeologists on the dig were both determined that they should be the one to have their name listed on the discovery. Pretty soon, a big argument was underway. The two provided the others with a great source of amusement for the evening. By the time they finally gave up and called a truce,everyone else was feeling quite refreshed by the entertainment. As the crowd dispersed, one junior digger turned to his friend, and said: “Well, that was a fight for Thor eyes.” TIDBITS OF WIT Did you ever notice the people who complain the most about not having enough time to do all their work are the same ones who always stop & tell everyone that they don’t have enough time to do all their work. and… WARM UP WIT I was in the waiting room of my doctor’s office the other day when the doctor started yelling, “Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!” I went up to the nurse and asked her what was going on. She told me that the doctor liked to call the shots around here.

GLORIOUS GIGGLES 1) Our accountant said that he was leaving to pursue an MBA. I later found out that meant Mexico, Brazil and Argentina. 2) Show me a man who walks with his head held high, and I’ll show you a man who hasn’t gotten used to his bifocals. 3) Today is an excellent day to find yourself. I suggest you start with the phone book. 4) Understanding modern art is like trying to figure out the plot in a bowl of alphabet soup. 5) Don’t worry. Loud applause doesn’t frighten me. 6) I stayed up until 4 a.m. with a great book. Once I started coloring, I found it hard to stop. 7) Today’s Newsletter is being produced by Ron Meedy and Jeremy Oaker. This has been a Meady/Oaker production. 8) Some bank! Before I could make a with- drawal, I has to wait until someone came in and made a deposit. 9) Did you ever notice that in bookstores you’ll find the diet and exercise books right between humor and fiction.

GROUND ZERO QUILT (wrapped around link) http://www.gzquilt.com/About_the_Quilt/about_the_q uilt.html

When the quilt comes up, click on it to enlarge it, and then click again and again — each time it gets larger. When you make it big, you will see the faces of people who died at the WorldTradeCenter. Lois Jarvis of Madison, Wisconsin made this beautiful quilt. Imagine the amount of work and planning that had to go into this. It is a labor of great love. Please look then read why she made it.