Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

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I can’t be seen, I can’t be held, I can’t be dropped to the ground, But I can be thrown across the room, And I move at the speed of sound!!

What am I????

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1) Can you decipher this famous nursery rhyme?

A triumvirate of murine rodents totally devoid of ophthalmic acuity was observed in a state of rapid locomotion in pursuit of an agriculturalist’s uxorial adjunct. Said adjunct then performed a triple caudectomy utilizing an acutely honed bladed instrument generally used for subdivision of edible tissue.

Answer at end …

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A mile in the air and a mile on land are not the same distance. In the air, a nautical mile measures 6,080 feet. A land or statute mile is 5,280 feet.

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*** Some people bring happiness wherever they go … … others whenever they go.

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The Scribbler is a fun little site. Draw a basic object using your mouse and click Start Scribbler.

The Scribbler starts drawing on top of your original, creating new lines and adding to the piece. You can adjust the settings so that it draws in a different color, uses thicker lines or increases the “scribbliness.”

Even those who aren’t very good at drawing can create very cool pictures. If you like what you created, take a screen shot of the picture and e-mail it to the Web site’s gallery.

http://www.zefrank.com/scribbler/

************************************************* According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated:

Wash. Biol. Surv.

Until the agency received the following letter from a camper:

Dear Sirs:

While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it tasted horrible.

The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o–o-o-o-o-o

A cumulonimbus cloud can be enormous: six miles across and eleven miles high, and twice as high as Mount Everest.

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RULES OF THE AIR

~ Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

~ If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

~ It’s always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

~ When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

~ A ‘good’ landing is one from which you can walk away. A ‘great’ landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

~ Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn’t get to five minutes earlier.

~ Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

~ There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

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THE DREAM WILL FINALLY COME TRUE:

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase in plan that would be known as “EuroEnglish”:

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”– Sertainly this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favor of the “k”. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” wil be replaced with the “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e”‘s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.

By the 4th yar peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”. During ze fifz yar, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!

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Answer to riddle:

1) A Voice

2) Three Blind Mice