“Like all other children, my five have one great talent: they are all gifted beggars. Not one of them ever ran into the room, looked up at me and said: ‘I’m really happy that you’re my father, and as a tangible token of my appreciation, here’s a dollar.’ If any one of them had ever done that, I would have taken his temperature.” Bill Cosby

“Parenthood remains the single greatest preserve of the amateur.” Alvin Toffler

No father of teenage children can be trusted to put together combinations of clothes. He was taught that the height of fashion was to wear two shoes that match, so his children can easily persuade him of the elegance of whatever they wish or don’t wish to wear.” Bill Cosby

“The words a father speaks to his children in the privacy of his home may not be heard at the time, but – as in whispering galleries – they will be heard at the end and in posterity” Jean Paul Richter 1763 – 1825

“Fathers are those who give daughters away to young men who are not qualified to receive them, but who then produce the smartest grandchildren in the world” Paul Harvey >

“The best way to tackle a minor problem is before they grow up.” Ray Freedman

“Raising a child is part joy and part guerilla warfare.” Ed Asner

“Children need love, especially when they don’t deserve it.” Harold Hulbert

“Children despise their parents until they are forty. Then they become just like them, thus preserving the system.” Quentin Crewe

“You know you’ve reached middle age when you open your mouth and your parents come out.” Anon

“Grandchildren and grandparents get on so well because they share a common enemy.” Anon

“I can do one of two things. I can be President of the United States, or I can control Alice. I can’t do both.” Theodore Roosevelt

“Never raise your hand to your children. It leaves your mid-section exposed.

Robert Orben

And then there was the dad who got breakfast in bed, for every member of his family. Anon

Brief Exchanges:

How old are you now, son?

Seven and a half!

That’s impossible. No one could ever get that dirty in such a short time!

“Are we lost, Dad?”

“Shut up!” his father explained.