The trouble with life is, you’re halfway through it before you realize it’s a do-it-yourself thing.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

If at first you don’t succeed — give up! No use being a damn fool.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.

Only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles.

Be it ever so homely, there’s no face like your own.

Be true to thy teeth, and they will not be false to thee.

Hair today – gone tomorrow.