TODAYS RIDDLE
Which of these words is the odd-one-out? BENEFIT FLOTSAM HIJACK ROSEBUD SUITED TRUMPETER
/\ x x x x x Scroll down for the answer x x x x x Here it comes x x x x x \/
BENEFIT starts with a boy’s name (BEN)
– the others all end with one.
=============================
R ©sum © Bloopers.
Yes, these are all real r ©sum © bloopers.
QUALIFICATIONS:
* Here are my qualifications for you to overlook. * Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions. * Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience. * I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse. * I am loyal to my employer at all costs … Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
EXPERIENCE:
* Note: Please dont miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.
EDUCATION:
* Failed bar exam with relatively high grades. * Finished eighth in my class of ten.
SPECIAL SKILLS:
* I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms. * Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
* Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave. * Responsibility makes me nervous. * They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. I couldn’t work under those demanding conditions. * Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches. * They made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous jobs.
SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
* Please call me after 5:30. I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job. * My goal is to be a meteorologist. Since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage. * I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.
PERSONAL INTERESTS:
* Donating blood. 14 gallons so far. * Marital status: often. Children: various. * Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
REFERENCES:
* References: None. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.
=============================
During World War II, my mother-in-law lived in a part of Holland where food was very scarce. Every week she would knit a pair of socks and take them to a local farmer to exchange them for dairy products.
The cotton yarn was obtained by unraveling a large bedspread crocheted by her grandmother. When the bedspread was down to its final skein, she told the farmer’s wife this was the last pair of socks and could they exchange something else.
“That’s fine” said the farmer’s wife, “I only needed one more to finish my bedspread.”
=============================
“If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” ~ Bob Hope ________________
According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants. ________________
I’ve started a new diet and I’m losing weight. It’s the Chet Atkins Diet . . . I just pick at my food! ________________
A friend from Portland asked me how to avoid rush hour in San Francisco. My response was “Stay in Oregon.”
________________
So how long did you stay married the first time? Oh, we didn’t even make it to one year.
What a shame! Yeah, well, I didn’t want to get too involved. ________________
Q: As we grow older, do we tend to gesture, more or less, with our hands while talking?
A: Ask me one more growing-old riddle and I’ll give you a gesture you won’t forget in a hurry.
=============================
Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed that the bag boy was eyeing my two adopted children curiously. They often draw scrutiny, since my son is a blond Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin.
The boy continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car.
Finally, he asked. “Those your kids?”
“Yes, they are!” I answered proudly.
“They adopted?” he asked.
“Yes,” I replied.
“I thought so,” he concluded. “I figured you’re too old to have kids that small.”
=============================
Men are like plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
=============================
MY NEW WEBSITE:
A Gift Idea for Your Children & Grandchildren
Discussion
No comments for “Riddle”