“Good looks catch the eye but a good personality catches the heart; and you are blessed with both.”

Don’t be flattered, this message was sent to me. I just wanted you to read it.

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And you wonder why some people were undecided until they got to the voting booth???

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I used to work in technical support for a 24×7 call center. One day I got a call from an Individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?” Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh … Pacific.”

… And then he voted.

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So my colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the admin assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but “didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving fast.”

… And then she voted.

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My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought two cases. The cashier multiplied two times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

… And then he voted.

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I was hanging out with a Liberal friend of mine when we saw a woman walk by us with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, “Wouldn’t the chain rip out every time she turned her head?” I had to explain to her that a person’s nose and ear! remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.”

… And then she voted.

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I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because they were trained professionals and I was in good hands.

“Now,” She asked me, “has your plane arrived yet?”

… And then she voted.

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The rabbi was at a loss. The deceased was a terrible human being.

He beat his wife, abused his kids, stole, gambled, drank to excess, and was linked in one way or another to several unsolved crimes. Yet he was obliged to say something good about him in the eulogy. Finally, he had an inspiration.

“Many of you know only the dark side of the deceased,” he began, “but we must remember the good as well: his brother was worse.”

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While he was working for an elderly lady, a man noticed a large jar of peanuts. “Do you mind if I have a few?” he asked.

“Help yourself, ” was the reply.

During the day, he continued to help himself, until he finally noticed he had eaten them all.

“My g-d. I’ve eaten them all.”

“No problem. Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them anyway.”

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I did my nurse’s training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. My fellow students and I had little money for meals so we ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex and sometimes kindly visitors would give us some of the treats they had brought for patients who had not wanted to eat them.

One night a woman brought a pie to the kitchen and said to me, “Would you eat this up, love?”

Another student and I devoured every delicious crumb!

Soon our benefactor returned, however, and asked, “Is me ‘usband’s pie ‘ot yet, dearie?”

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http://www.gift4grandchildren.com

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