TODAYS RIDDLE:

In 1990, a person is 15 years old. In 1995 that same person is 10 years old. How is this possible?

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Here it comes

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If the years are “B.C.”… not A.D.

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An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israel Philharmonic.

He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the entrance, and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally he turned to his escort and asked if the building was named for Thomas Mann, the world-famous author.

“No,” his friend said, “it’s named for Irving Mann, from Philadelphia.”

“Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?”

. . . “A check”.

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Grandparents

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT? (taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people’s.

A grandfather is a man grandmother.

Grandparents don’t have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn’t play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also Why we shouldn’t step on “cracks.”

They don’t say, “Hurry up.”

Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don’t have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like “why isn’t God married?” and “How come dogs chase cats?”.

When they read to us, they don’t skip. They don’t mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don’t have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we’ve acted bad.

A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ”OH,” HE SAID, ‘ ‘SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE’RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.”

Send this to other grandparents. It will make their day.

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Good Sale

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.

“Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had so long!”

“Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?” the manager asked.

“That’s the one!”

“That’s great!” the manager cried, “I thought we’d never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we’ve ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?”

“Oh,” the clerk replied, “after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me.”

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A homeless guy knocked at the door and a Jewish woman answered.

“Nu? What is it?”

“Lady, I’m homeless. I haven’t eaten in three days.”

“Alright, would you eat yesterday’s soup?” she asked.

“Yeh!”

“Okay. Come tomorrow!”

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Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, “Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”

Slim says, “I feel just like a newborn baby.”

“Really? Like a new-born baby:?”

“Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”