“What’s the latest dope on Wall Street?” “My son!” – Henny Youngman

*** Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time? – Henny Youngman

*** If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas. – Henny Youngman

*** She has a wash and wear bridal gown. – Henny Youngman

*** You have a ready wit. Tell me when it’s ready. – Henny Youngman

*** You look like a talent scout for a cemetery. – Henny Youngman

*** You have a nice personality, but not for a human being. – Henny Youngman

*** The more I think of you, the less I think of you. – Henny Youngman

*** She looks like she combs her hair with an egg beater. – Hedda Hopper

*** Michael Jackson’s album was only called “Bad” because there wasn’t enough room on the sleeve for ‘Pathetic. – Prince

*** Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds. (on Elizabeth Taylor)

– Joan Rivers