TODAYS RIDDLE:

What’s better than the best thing and
worse than the worst thing?

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Literally, the word NOTHING

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Not sure how it ever got started, but a tradition in the
Navy is all of the pilots dance with the Wing Commander’s wife.

I walked over at a dance once and asked if she’d like to
dance and she said, “I don’t dance with a child.”

I smiled, bowed, and replied, “Oh! I’m sorry. If I’d known your
condition, I wouldn’t have asked.”

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A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman who is shopping
on Rodeo Drive and said, “I haven’t eaten anything in four days.”

She looked at him and said, “God, I wish I had your willpower.”

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“Don’t let me pressure you,” the life insurance salesman said.
“Sleep on it tonight. If you wake up in the morning, you can
give me a call.”

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JURY EXEMPTION

Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend
received a jury-duty notice. She called to remind the people
t the clerk’s office that she was exempt because of her age.

“You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms,”
they said.

“I’ve already done that,” she replied. “I did it last year.”

“You have to do it every year,” she was told.

“Why?” came the response. “Do you think I’m going to get
younger?”

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WALKING ON WATER

Turning 21— A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had
heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that
his father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been
able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat
club across the lake for their first legal drink.

So when Lars’ 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a
boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of
the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to
safety.

Furious and confused, Lars went to see his grandmother.
“Grandma,” he asked, “it’s my 21st birthday, so why can’t I
walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his
father before him?”

Granny looked into Lars’ eyes and said, “Because your father,
grandfather and great-grandfather were born in January. You
were born in July.

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Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother
after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother
decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning.

It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.
His grandmother remarked, “Doesn’t it look like an artist painted this
scenery?

Did you know God painted this just for you?”

Bobby said, “Yes, God did it and he did it left handed.”

This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him,
“What makes you say God did this with his left hand?”

“Well,” said Bobby, “we learned at Sunday School last week
that Jesus sits on God’s right hand!”

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If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both
drowning, and you could only save one
of them, would you:
(1) go to lunch or
(2) read the newspaper?

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The neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and
asked, “Sir, would you like to buy a toothbrush for ten dollars?”

Aghast, the man said, “I should say not, that’s robbery!”

The salesman seemed hurt. “Well, then, how about a homemade
brownie for five cents?” This seemed fair, and the man handed
a nickel to the salesman.

Unwrapping the brownie, he took a bite; suddenly the man spit
out the mouthful. “Say,” he snarled, “this brownie tastes like crap!”

“It is,” replied the salesman. “Wanna buy a toothbrush?”

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A PolishJjewish family settled in Paris after the WWII.
A neighbour asks to the father : “can I ask you why did you left
Poland to come in France ? Because of antisemitism ?”

M. Abramovicz : “we didn’t complain about that”

The neighbour : “Really ? So it was because of the poverty there ?”

M. Abramovicz answers bluntly : “We didn’t complain about that”

The neighbour (more and more surprised) : “Ah ? So it was
because of the lack of freedom ?”

M. Abramovicz : “we didn’t complain about that”

The neighbour : “so, why did you com here ?”

M. Abramovicz : “Because in France, it’s possible to complain
about everything”