TODAYS RIDDLE:

The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they?

/\ x x x x x Scroll down for the answer x x x x x Here it comes x x x x x \/

Footsteps.

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Two little boys are talking to each other. One of them says, “What does your dad do for a living?”

The other says, “He is a lawyer.”

The first one says, “Honest?”

“No, just a regular lawyer.”

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Because our husbands, both medical students in their final years of internship, were on call for extended periods, my friend and I were lamenting the fact that we were left alone every fourth night with our young children.

With a toddler and a newborn, Janet was especially desperate for help on occasion. Even when her husband was home, he was so exhausted that he never heard the children’s cries at night.

But she noticed that he always heard his pager when he was called for an emergency at the hospital.

So she did the obvious: When she needed his assistance at night, she paged him.

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A man came to the rabbi. “Rabbi, my wife drives me nuts, I can’t live with her anymore.”

“Ok,” says the Rabbi, “you have to get divorced.”

“But Rabbi,” cried the man, “I love her so much.”

“So stay together,” said the rabbi.

“But everytime I come home we start fighting, it can’t go on this way!”

“So get divorce.”

“But what about the kids? I can’t live without my children.”

“So stay together,” said the rabbi.

“But our common life is a hell,” said the man.

“You know what?” said the Rabbi, “become a Christian.”

The man was shocked. “WHAT???? How will it solve the problem??”

“It won’t,” answered the Rabbi, “but then you’ll drive some Priest nuts.”

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One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. “It was so slippery out that, for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two.”

The boss eyed him suspiciously. “Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?”

“I finally gave up,” he said, “and started for home.”

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ONE LINERS:

The sum total of the National debt is some total.

Innuendo: Itialian for Preoaration H.

Some people do wonderful things with leftovers, they throw them out.

Sign outside a psychiatrist’s office: “Two couches-no waiting!”

Yesterday a bum asked me for $2.75 for a double cappuccino with no foam.

All of Iraq is a beach . . . it just doesn’t have water.

Just remember, if you’re both griping, the marriage is still working.

To the Iraqi people: You owe us $250 billion. Send oil.

I fear that one day I’ll meet G-d, he’ll sneeze, and I won’t know what to say.