OIL SHORTAGE 101
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A LOT OF FOLKS CAN’T UNDERSTAND HOW
WE CAME TO HAVE AN OIL SHORTAGE HERE
IN OUR COUNTRY.
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WELL, THERE’S A VERY SIMPLE ANSWER.
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NOBODY BOTHERED TO CHECK THE OIL.
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WE JUST DIDN’T KNOW WE WERE GETTING LOW.
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THE REASON FOR THAT IS PURELY GEOGRAPHICAL.
OUR OIL IS LOCATED IN:
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ALASKA
CALIFORNIA
OKLAHOMA
AND EXAS.
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OUR DIPSTICKS ARE LOCATED IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
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A local business was looking for office help.
They put a sign in the window saying:
HELP WANTED Must be a good typist and
be good with a computer. Successful applicant
must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity
Employer.
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A short time later a lovely golden retriever dog
trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went
inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged
his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it,
whined and pawed the air.
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The receptionist called the office manager.
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He was surprised to say the least to see a canine ]

applicant. However, the dog looked determined,
so he led him into the office.
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Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at
the manager expectantly.
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The manager said, “I can’t hire you. The sign says
you must be able to type.”
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The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and
proceeded to quickly type a perfect business letter.
He took out the page and trotted over to the manager,
gave it to him, then jumped back up on the chair.
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The manager was stunned, but told the dog, “That was
fantastic, but I’m sorry. The sign clearly says that
whoever I hire has to be good with a computer.”
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The dog jumped down again, went to the computer
and proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with
various programs, produced a sample spreadsheet
and database, then presented them to the manager.
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The manager was dumbfounded. He said to the dog,
“Hey, I realize that you are a very intelligent applicant
and have fantastic talent, but you’re a dog — no way
could I hire you.”
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The dog jumped down and went to the sign in the
window and pointed his paw at the words, “Equal
Opportunity Employer.”
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The exasperated manager said, “Yes, I know what
the sign says. But the sign also says you have to be
bilingual.”
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The dog looked him straight in the eye and said,
“Meow.”
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A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office
playing poker.
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“I win!” said Johnson, at which point Henderson
threw down his cards. “That’s it! I’ve had it!
Johnson is cheating!!!”
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“How can you tell?” Phillips asked.
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“Those aren’t the cards I dealt him!”
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Following the birth of my second child, I called our
insurance company to inquire about my short-term
disability policy.
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“I just had a baby,” I proudly announced to the
representative who picked up the phone.
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“Congratulations! I’ll get all of your information and
activate your policy,” she assured me. After taking
down basic facts like my name and address, she asked,
“Was this a work-related incident?”
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A Woman’s Poem
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He didn’t like the casserole
And he didn’t like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard…
Not like his mother used to make.
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I didn’t perk the coffee right
He didn’t like the stew,
I didn’t mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
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I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him…
Like his Mother used to do.
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Adolph Hitler was having terrible nightmares,
and so he decided to go to a fortune teller
hoping that the woman could find the source
of his problem.
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“I am sorry but I am unable to help you solve
your dreams” said the fortune teller, “but I
do know that you will die on a Jewish holiday.”
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“And which holiday will this be?” he asked.
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“It does not matter.” she replied. “Any day
that you die will be a Jewish Holiday.”

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A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool and show
who was boss on the aviation frequencies.
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It was his first time approaching a field during the
night time.
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Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said:
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“Guess who?”
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The controller switched the field lights off and replied:
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“Guess where!”
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Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down
his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now
do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
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Little Johnny: “Because George still had the axe in his hand.”
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If you would like to be included on my “Clean Humor”
list, send a blank email to jhmaida[a]hotmail.com with
“=Include Me=” as the subject. I do not write the jokes.
I only pass on the ones I think are funny. Laughter is
good for the immune system.

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