An elderly gentleman, very well dressed and polite, walks into a cocktail bar and sits beside an attractive elderly lady. He orders drinks and says to her “So tell me – do I come here often?”

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Having suffered serious deafness for a number of years, an elderly gentleman went to see a consultant who prescribed the latest thing in aids which gave him almost 10000 hearing. Returning to the clinic a few months later, the specialist said “Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again”. The gentleman replied “Oh I haven’t told them yet – I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three tunes!”

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Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. One day a nurse found an old gentleman, dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need help. She told him there were rules to follow and he reluctantly let her wheel him to the exit. She then asked if his wife was meeting him there and he said “I don’t know – she’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown”.

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Two elderly people were living in a mobile home park. He a widower and she a widow, they had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the activity center and the two found themselves at the same table. After a few admiring glances at the widow, the man said “Will you marry me?” Without any hesitation she replied “Yes, of course I will”. At the end of the evening they returned to their respective homes and, next morning, the man was troubled because, due to his bad memory, he couldn’t remember what the lady had said.plucked up courage to phone and asked “Did you say yes or no?” She answered “Why, I said yes, and meant it with all my heart”. Then she continued “And I’m so glad you called because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.