TODAYS RIDDLE:

Because cigars cannot be entirely smoked, a hobo who collects cigar butts can make a cigar to smoke out of every 5 butts that he finds. Today, he has collected 25 cigar butts. How many cigars will he be able to smoke?

[ answer is at the bottom ]

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A lady lost her handbag during a day of shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm…. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty singles.”

The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have change for a reward.”

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GOLFING

One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.

Ben searches diligently throughout the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: “Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here.”

Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: “What’s the matter Ben?”

Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: “Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can’t get out of here with an 8-iron.”

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Women’s Bumper-Stickers

IF THEY DON’T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN’T GOING.

PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.

COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN…SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.

DON’T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.

IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.

DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF.

GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO, BUT LIKE… WHO CARES?

NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES.

WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.

OF COURSE I DON’T LOOK BUSY…I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE SHUT UP.

ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.

I’M ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.

HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON’T GO AWAY?

SORRY IF I LOOKED INTERESTED. I’M NOT.

IF WE ARE WHAT WE EAT, I’M FAST, CHEAP AND EASY.

DON’T UPSET ME! I’M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.

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THREE PSYCHIATRISTS

While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk.

“People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,” one says, “but we have no one to go to with our own problems.”

“Since we’re all professionals,” another suggests, “why don’t we hear each other out right now?”

They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, “I’m a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can.”

The second admits, “I have a drug problem that’s out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me.”

The third psychiatrist says, “I know it’s wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t keep a secret.”

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY

A husband went to buy a birthday gift for his wife. Some friends had been invited over that night to celebrate her fortieth, and he wanted to get something special. At the store he spotted some cute little music boxes. One blue one was playing “Happy Birthday.”

Thinking they were all the same, he chose a red one and had it gift-wrapped. Later, at dinner, he gave it to his wife and asked her to open it. When she lifted the lid, out came the tune to “The Old Gray Mare, She Ain’t What She Used to Be!”

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RIDDLE ANSWER:

6, he makes 5 originals from the 25 butts he found, and after he smokes them he has 5 butts left for another cigar.