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An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip,
but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his
hotel if there’s any place around where he can get American food.
The concierge tells him he’s in luck, there’s a pizza place
that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the
businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room
and orders a pizza.
.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door
with the pizza.
.
The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing
uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, “What the Heck
did you put on this pizza?”
.
The delivery man bows deeply and says, “We put on the pizza
what you ordered: pepper only.”
.
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Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the
first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
.
The man said, “I do Father.”
The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.”
.
Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to go
to heaven?”
.
“Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply.
.
“Then stand over there against the wall,” said the priest.
.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said,
“Do you want to go to heaven?”
.
O’Toole said, “No, I don’t Father.”
.
The priest said, “I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that
when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”
.
O’Toole said, “Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting
a group together to go right now.”
.
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I hate to have to go to the ER because the service is SO SLOW!
I don’t mean to be nasty, but the last time I had to go,
the person ahead of me had a musket wound!
.
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On a campus bulletin board at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
in Troy, New York: As for pushy metric proponents, give ’em
2.54 cm, and they’l take 1,6093 km.
.
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One Liners:
.
At no time is freedom of speech more precious than
when a man hits his thumb with a hammer.
.
Commercial truck owners should be required to pay
into a state windshield repair fund.
.
Four categories of body fat in Georgia:
normal, overweight, obese and deputy sheriff.
.
I just came back from California and was shocked to
learn Silicon Valley isn’t that space between implants.
.
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Mark Twain sat on the train next to a gloom-and-doomer
who said, “Do you realize that every time I take a
breath, 10,000 people on this planet die?”
.
Twain replied, “Hmmm…ever try cloves?”
.
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If you would like to be included on my “Clean Humor”
list, send a blank email to jhmaida[at]hotmail.com with
“=Include Me=” as the subject. I do not write the jokes.
I only pass on the ones I think are funny. Laughter is
good for the immune system.

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