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TODAYS RIDDLE
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What needs an answer, but doesn’t ask a question?

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A telephone.
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A flight attendant on a United Air Lines cross-country flight
nervously announced: about 30 minutes outbound from LA,
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“I don’t know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers
aboard and only 40 dinners.”
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When the passengers’ muttering had died down, she continued,
“Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone
else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight.”
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Her next announcement came an hour later. “If anyone wants
to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available!
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Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place
is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the
ice with his new audience, He asks if anyone would like him
to play a request.
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A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first
row and shouts at the top of his voice “Play a Jazz chord!
Play a jazz chord!”
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Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in
Stevie’s varied career, the blind impresario starts to play
an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody
for about 10 minutes.
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When he finishes the whole place goes wild. The little old
man jumps up again and shouts “No, no, play a Jazz chord,
play a Jazz chord”.
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A bit irritated by this, Stevie, being the professional
that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his
band around the B flat minor chord and really tears! the place
apart.
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The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical
expertise. The little old man jumps up again. “No, no. Play
a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord”.
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Well now truly irritated that this little guy doesn’t seem to
appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the stage
“OK jerk. You get up here and do it!”
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The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the
mike and starts to sing…..
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“A jazz chord to say I ruv you…”
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Two cab drivers met. “Hey,” asked one, “what’s the idea
of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?”
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“Well,” the other responded, “when I get into an accident,
you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other.”
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At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting
attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed,
“that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise t
his case?”
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The witness stared out the window as though he hadn’t
heard the question.
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“Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to
compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
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Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer
the question.”
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“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
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The bathroom scale manufacturer was very proud of the new
model being introduced at the trade fair.
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“Listen to these features it’s calibrated to one-one-hundredth of
a pound; it can measure your height as well, in feet or meters;
it gives you a readout via an LED or human-voice simulator;
and that’s not all ……”
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“Very impressive,” interrupted a none-too-slender sales rep for a
chain of home furnishings stores, “but before I place an order I’ll
have to try it out.”
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“Be my guest,” said the manufacturer graciously.
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No sooner had the sales rep taken his place on the scale than
a loud, very human-sounding voice issued forth, “One at a time,
please, one at a time!”
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Here’s what I’m doing on the Internet:

http://www.gift4grandchildren

http://www.iShopInt.com/mall.asp?ID=shoponline
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If you would like to be included on my “Clean Humor”
list, send a blank email to jhmaida[at]hotmail.com with
“=Include Me=” as the subject. I do not write the jokes.
I only pass on the ones I think are funny. Laughter is
good for the immune system.
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