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TODAYS RIDDLE:
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Pronounced as one letter but written with three,
only two different letters there are. I’m double,
I’m single, I’m black, blue, green and gray.
I’m read from both ends the same either way.
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What am I?.
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Scroll down for the answer
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Here it comes
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An eye
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I overheard a friend telling his pal, “I can’t break my wife
of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning.”
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“What is she doing?” the pal asked.
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“Waiting for me to get home.”
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Re: GOLF
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In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with
clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized
society, it is called golf.
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Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
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The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and
not too often.
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There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons,
practice constantly — or start cheating.
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An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice –
once before swinging, and once again, after swinging.
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Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot
count, criticize or laugh.
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Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those
in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
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There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play
eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
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Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words were
taken.
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A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down,
and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance
company paid for everything.”
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“That’s quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I’m here because
my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my
insurance company also paid for everything.”
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The lawyer looked somewhat confused and said,
“How do you start a flood?””
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Just Like Mommy……
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A two and a half year old walked into the bathroom while her
mother was putting on make-up.
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“I’m going to look just like you Mommy!” she announced.
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“Maybe, when you grow up,” her mother told her.
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“No Mommy, tomorrow. I just put on that ‘Oil of Old Lady’ you
always use.”
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Secret Agent Murphy
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A secret agent was sent to Ireland to pick up
some very sensitive information from an agent
called Murphy.
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His instructions were to walk around town using
a code phrase until he met his fellow agent.
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He found himself on a desolate country road and
finally ran into a farmer. “Hello, said the agent,
“I’m looking for a man called Murphy.”
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“Well you’re in luck,” said the farmer, “as it
happens, there’s a village right over the hill,
where there’s a butcher called Murphy, the baker
is named Murphy, three widows are called Murphy.
In fact my name is Murphy.”
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“Aha,” thought the agent, “here’s my man.” So he
whispered the secret code. “The sun is shining,
the grass is growing, the cows are ready for
milking.”
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“Oh,” said the farmer, “you’re looking for Murphy
the spy, he’s in the village over the other
direction.”
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Getting Old:
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A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office.
“Is it true,” she wanted to know, that the medication you
prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”
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“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.
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There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,
“I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.”
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An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table
awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
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As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to
speak to his son.
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“Yes, Dad, what is it?”
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“Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember,
if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me your
mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.”
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Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you
stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
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Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way.
I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t
paved.
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How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
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I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to
the top.
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Old age is when former classmates are so gray and
wrinkled and bald, they don’t recognize you.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
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It’s worse when you forget to pull it down.
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The next time you receive an email that asks you
to forward it to others, reply with this URL:
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http://www.softlab.ece.ntua.gr/~sivann/pub/swf/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf
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Here’s what I’m doing on the Internet:
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http://www.gift4grandchildren
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http://www.iShopInt.com/mall.asp?ID=shoponline
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If you would like to be included on my “Clean Humor”
list, send a blank email to jhmaida[at]hotmail.com with
“=Include Me=” as the subject. I do not write the jokes.
I only pass on the ones I think are funny. Laughter is
good for the immune system.
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