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Humor

Riddles and more

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TODAYS RIDDLE:
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It’s always 1 to 6,
it’s always 15 to 20,
it’s always 5,
but it’s never 21,
unless it’s flying.
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The answer is: a die (one of two dice). An explanation:
“It’s always 1 to 6”: the numbers on the faces of the dice,
“it’s always 15 to 20”: the sum of the exposed faces when
the dice comes to rest after being thrown,
“it’s always 5”: the number of exposed faces when the dice
is at rest, “but it’s never 21”: the sum of the exposed faces
is never 21 when the dice is at rest, “unless it’s flying”:
the sum of all exposed faces when the dice is flying is
21 (1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 + 6).
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A housewife called up a pet store and said, “Send
me thirty-thousand cockroaches at once.”
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“What in the world do you want with thirty-thousand
cockroaches?” asked the astonished clerk.
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“Well,” replied the woman, “I am moving today and my
lease says I must leave the premises in exactly the
same condition I found them.”
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“Golf has more rules than any other game, because golf
has more cheaters than any other game.
— Bruce Lansky
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“On a recent survey, 80 per cent of golfers admitted
cheating. The other 20 percent lied.”
— Bruce Lansky
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“I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s
golf game. It’s called an eraser.”
— Arnold Palmer
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Women’s Instruction Book:
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What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
Shut the door.
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If we put a man on the moon, why can’t we put them all there?
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Tell him you’re not his type — you have a pulse.
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Never let your man’s mind wander — it’s too little to be let out alone.
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Go for younger men. You might as well — they never mature anyway.
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Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell
them apart.
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Bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some
woman miserable.
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Women don’t make fools of men — most of them are the
do-it-yourself types.
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The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest
they are too old for it.
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The children of Israel wandered around the desert for
40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn’t ask for directions.
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The main point of having a boyfriend is so that he can
one day graduate to the exalted status of a “former boyfriend.”
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Two tourists were driving through Wales. At
Llanhyfryddawelllehynafolybaarcudprindanfygythiadtrienusyrhafnauole
they stopped for lunch.
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One tourist asked the waitress, “Before we order, could you
please settle an argument for us? There is money riding on this”
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Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?”
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The blonde waitress leaned over and said “Burrr-gurrr-Kinngg…”
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Three elderly men are at the doctor’s office for a memory
test. The doctor asks the first man, “What is three times
three?” “274,” came the reply.
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The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and
says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three
times three?”
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“Tuesday,” replies the second man.
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The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man,
“Okay, your turn. What’s three times three?”
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“Nine,” says the third man.
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“That’s great!” says the doctor. “How did you get that?”
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“Simple,” he says, “just subtract 274 from Tuesday.”
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Here’s what I’m doing on the Internet:
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http://www.gift4grandchildren
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http://www.iShopInt.com/mall.asp?ID=shoponline
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If you would like to be included on my “Clean Humor”
list, send a blank email to jhmaida[at]hotmail.com with
“=Include Me=” as the subject. I do not write the jokes.
I only pass on the ones I think are funny. Laughter is
good for the immune system.
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