The European Commission has just announced an Agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German or French which were the other possibilities.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “S” will replace the soft “C”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard “C” will be dropped in favour of the “K”. This would klear up any konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “PH” will be replaced with the “F”. This will make words like ‘fotograf’ 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “E”s in the language is disgrasful, and they should be dispensed with.

By th fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “TH” with “Z” and “W’ with “V”.

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “O” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “OU” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozr kombinations of leters.

After ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl ritn styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it esi to understand ech ozr.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru !

And zen ve vil tak ovr ze vorld!