“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15, NKJV).

Jeanette Lockerbie, a former editor of Psychology for Living magazine, tells about a minister friend whose wife died suddenly. With her husband, she had been very active in the church and was dearly loved by all the church members.

“I remember so well the church announcement of her funeral service: ‘Come, and wear your brightest colours as we celebrate her home-going,'” Lockerbie reported.

“Fine. This congregation was just following the teaching this minister had given them for a score of years. Everyone did the ‘right’ thing: the minister bore up admirably and ‘celebrated’ with his people the death of his life partner.

“Months later, I happened to be a guest in the home where this minister was also visiting. I scarcely recognized the ghost of the man he had become. His deep sorrow at the snatching away of his loved wife, suppressed in the interest of ‘Christian’ expectations of him, had worked its devastation in his life, both physically and emotionally.” His “brave front” was nothing but a mask to hide his true feelings. Such masks are deadening.

This is bad grief and is very destructive — physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Some time ago in an article in “The Reader’s Digest,” John Kord Lagemann tells about another minister’s reaction to death: “Recently the minister of our church had to carry tragic news to the parents of a twelve-year-old boy. Their son had drowned on a school outing. Later, the parents told me, ‘The minister didn’t preach or tell us to be brave. He broke into tears and wept with us. We will always love him for that'” (August 1967).*

This is good grief and is healing physically, emotionally and spiritually. God gave us tears to express our grief so let’s not bottle them up when we suffer sorrow, loss, or especially heartbreak.