My sister-in-law, a truck driver, had decided to get a
dog for protection. As she inspected a likely candidate,
the trainer told her, “He doesn’t like men.”
.
“Perfect,” my sister-in-law thought and took the dog.
.
Then one day she was approached by two men in a parking
lot, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard
would react. Soon it became clear the the trainer wasn’t
kidding. As the men got closer, the dog ran under the
nearest car.
.
=============================
.
We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church
and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance.
At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar
for a talk about the importance of the day.
.
He began by asking, “Does anyone know what the bishop does?”
.
There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely,
“He’s the one you can move diagonally.”
.
[This was for Chess players only]

.
=============================
.
A wise man once asked me, “What is the sound
of one hand clapping?”
I thought for a minute, then I slapped him across the face.
That got him off my back.
_______________

A couple that hooked up over the Internet got the shock
of their lives when they finally met and found out that they
were husband and wife!
.
They were cheating on each other with each other!
….. Jay Leno
________________

The Boston Herald reported that Massachusetts has
come up with a new slogan: “Massachusetts …..
Make it yours.”
.
Which, I think, is a lot better than New York’s slogan:
“New York ….. Up yours.”
….. Conan O’Brien
________________
.
You really can’t beat the game.
If you earn anything, it’s minus taxes.
If you buy anything it’s plus taxes.
.
=============================
.
Friends of women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night so
the next morning, she tells her husband that
she stayed at her girlfriend’s apartment overnight.
.
The husband calls ten of her best girlfriends
and none of them confirm that.
.
Friends of men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night so
the next morning, he tells his wife that he stayed
at his friend’s apartment overnight.
.
The wife calls ten of his best friends; five of them
confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night
and the other five claim he is still with them.
.
=============================
.
[an oldie from the archives]

.
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative
defense:
.
“My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed
a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how
you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by
his limb.”
.
“Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the
defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it
or not, as he chooses.”
.
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached
his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
.
=============================
.
The error in this URL has been corrected.
If you’ve tried to connect and couldn’t, please try again.
.
http://www.gift4grandchildren.com
.
http://www.iShopInt.com/mall.asp?ID=shoponline
.
=============================
.
If you would like to be included on my “Clean Humor”
list, send a blank email to jhmaida[at]hotmail.com with
“=Include Me=” as the subject. I do not write the jokes.
I only pass on the ones I think are funny. Laughter is
good for the immune system.
.
==========================