a.. 10. Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters.
b.. Directions to your doctor’s office include, “Take a left when you enter the trailer park.”
c.. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
d.. The only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter.
e.. The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is “An apple a day.”
f.. Your “primary care physician” is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
g.. “The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges” is not a typo.
h.. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn’t come in different colors with little “M”s on them.
And the Number 1 Sign You’ve Joined a Cheap HMO . . .

a.. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.