TODAYS RIDDLE:

What single three letter word can replace the ??? in all
four words below to make a new word in each case?
???BOARD
???STONE
???PUNCH
???HOLE

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Here it comes
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KEY to make KEYBOARD, KEYSTONE, KEYPUNCH, and KEYHOLE.

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Someone called 911.
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When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain
consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him
to faint.
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“It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said.
“My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and
instead of driving the car out, he came out with the
lawn mower.”
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An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting
surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon,
perform the operation. As he was about to get the
anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
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“Yes Dad, what is it?” “Don’t be nervous, son; do your best
and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens
to me … your mother is going to come and live with you and
your wife….”
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ONE LINERS:

The Mayflower was a ship full of illegal immigrants.
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The only thing that wakes you up faster than coffee is
spilled coffee.
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Smoking doesn’t kill people. People who are trying to quit
smoking kill people.
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Many great discoveries are made by not following instructions.
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The older I get, the better I was.
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My Uncle finally quit smoking. It was a beautiful service.

Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
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A tattoo is a permanent reminder of temporary insanity.
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Some ends don’t justify the jeans
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“My grandpa, known for his offbeat sense of humor, adopted a
dog and named him Mr. Peeve.
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I took the bait, and asked why he named it that.
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He said, “Because when people ask the dogs name. I can say
That’s my pet Peeve.”
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I have my own system for labeling homemade freezer meals.
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Forget calling them “Veal Parmigiana” or “Turkey Loaf”
or “Beef Pot Pie.”
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If you look in my freezer you’ll see “Whatever,”
“Anything,” “I Don’t Know,” and, my favorite, “Food.”
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That way when I ask my husband what he wants for
dinner, I’m certain to have what he wants.”
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I’m sending this because of your age.
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I hope I haven’t misjudged your age !
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http://www.thestatenislandboys.com/U_thrill_me/index.htm

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If you would like to be included on my “Clean Humor”
list, send a blank email to jhmaida[at]hotmail.com with
“=Include Me=” as the subject. I do not write the jokes.
I only pass on the ones I think are funny. Laughter is
good for the immune system.
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