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TODAYS RIDDLE:
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What is the only word in the English language
that has three consecutive sets of double letters?
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The word “bookkeeper” is the only word in the English
language that has three consecutive sets of double letters.
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Special Indian Talent
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An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked.
The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout.
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“Scout, you must use all your thirty years of skills for me and try
to estimate the sort of army we are up against here.”
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The trusty Indian Scout lies down and puts his ear to the ground.
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“Heap large war party,” he says, “maybe three hundred braves,
four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions.
All have war paint. Many, many guns! Medicine man also with
them.”
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“Good grief!” exclaims the General, “you can tell all of that just
by listening to the ground?”
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“NO,” replied the Indian. . . . “I can see under the gate.”
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MAN & WOMAN:
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A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find
such a man.
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A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a
man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she
won’t change, and she does.
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A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn’t need.
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ONE LINERS:

Having one child makes you a parent;
having two makes you a referee.
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The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly
side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
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Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician
enters the treatment room.
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Your chances of being seen by someone you know
dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in
your robe and curlers.
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First thing a child learns when he gets a drum is that
he’s never getting another one.
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Happiness is the place between too little and too much.
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When in doubt. . . mumble.
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Those who race through life finish first.
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What will today’s younger generation tell their children
they had to do “without”?
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As a child, I was the kind my mother wouldn’t let me play with.
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Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress,
he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching
post. “Don’t worry,” my husband reassured me. “I’ll have
him trained in no time.”
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I watched for several days as my husband patiently “trained”
our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband
deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.
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The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he
wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa!!
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A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife
“Mother of Six” in spite of her objections.
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One night they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to
go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
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He shouts at the top of his voice, ‘Shall we go home now
Mother of Six?”
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His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts back…
“Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four!”

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If you would like to be included on my “Clean Humor”
list, send a blank email to jhmaida[at]hotmail.com with
“=Include Me=” as the subject. I do not write the jokes.
I only pass on the ones I think are funny. Laughter is
good for the immune system.
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