(~) It is safe to cry with God Rev. Dr. Sandra Bochonok.

“Now Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard. And a maid came up to him, and said, ‘You also were with Jesus the Galilean.’ But he denied it before them all, saying, ‘I do not know what you mean.’ And when he went out to the porch, another maid saw him, and she said to the bystanders, ‘This man was with Jesus of Nazareth.’ And again he denied it with an oath, ‘I do not know the man.’ After a little while the bystanders came up and said to Peter, ‘Certainly you are also one of them, for your accent betrays you.’ Then he began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, ‘I do not know the man.’ And immediately the cock crowed. And Peter remembered the saying of Jesus, ‘Beforethe cock crows, you will deny me three times.’ And he went out and wept bitterly.” Matthew 26:69-75

Peter’s tears remind us that fear can sometimes overpower loving courage. Peter had done his best to stay near Jesus while the other disciples had fled for their lives. His public outing by the servant girl proved to be terrifying. Peter was faced with a dangerous and potentially deadly dilemma. If he identified as one of Jesus’ disciples, he could possibly share the same fate as his beloved master. Instinctively Peter denied his best friend again and again without thinking.

In several panic stricken moments, Peter betrayed Jesus more powerfully than Judas Iscariot. Judas had the soul of a traitor and had carefully premeditated his actions for some time. Peter had the soul of loyal friend who loved Jesus passionately, but when the chips were down and his life was as stake, Peter impulsively betrayed Jesus by denying their relationship. He lied to save his own skin. Can we really blame him for his cowardice? What would we have done in his situation?

The rooster crowed as Jesus had earlier predicted. Overcome with remorse, Peter fled outside the courtyard and wept bitter heartrending tears. His grief only intensified as he remembered the loving look Jesus gave him as Peter cursed and repeatedly insisted he did not know Jesus. Jesus had looked him right in the eye and gazed into the depths of his soul. Peter then ran for his life, berating himself with a self-hatred and loathing we can only imagine. He would carry the memories of his bitter betrayal of Jesus to his grave.

As Peter wept bitter tears of shame, grief, and regret he unwittingly found it was safe to cry with God. I suspect he was unaware of God’s tender presence in his defining moment of human failure. God was with him throughout the horrorof the moment, and would help him live through the terrible events that lay ahead. After the resurrection, Peter’s tears would eventually lead him to a life transforming and soul refining repentance, bringing him an empowering resolve to serve the risen Christ and build his church. He would become a great preacher and influential pastor to many churches before dying a martyr’sdeath for his loyalty to the new Christian faith.

So often in life we minimize our pain and try to stifle and hide our tears. Tears are something many of us are ashamed of as a sign of weakness and inadequacy. We even apologize when crying in our deepest agony. But God created tears for a purpose. They cleanse our souls and hearts, bringing healing and strength. The next time tears well up in our eyes, let them become an agent of God’s grace. Have a good cry and you too, will find it is safe to cry with God. There are times when even a tear rolling quietly down our cheeks is a silent prayer.

God, today Peter’s tears have become mine. With Peter, may I find you safe to cry with and find RAINBOW-CHRISTIAN.TK comfort and courage in my times of need. Amen.

from “Living as the Beloved” published by Chi Rho Press Used with permisson Please visit the Chi Rho Press Web site. http://www.ChiRhoPress.com