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TODAYS RIDDLE

Which word from Group B belongs in Group A?

Group A:
Cling
Drive
Fort
State

Group B:
Motion
Peach
Grass
Walk

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Motion
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If you pronounce the words in Group A so that the first
letter of each word is an individual syllable, you get
new words: ceiling, derive, effort, estate. Only with
motion from Group B can the same thing be done:
emotion.
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Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was
giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate
the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day.
She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to
cook up another batch.
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She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her
concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again.
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That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the
guests volunteered to answer it. Becky’s face dropped as
the guest called out, “It’s the Poison Control Center.
They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out.”
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A female blonde was speeding down the road in her
little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman
cop who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see
the blonde’s driver’s license.
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The driver dug through her purse and was getting
progressively more agitated.
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“What does it look like?” she asked.
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The cop replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”
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The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it
and handed it to the cop.
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“Here it is,” she said.
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The blonde cop looked at the mirror, then handed it
back saying, “Okay,you can go. I didn’t realize you
were a cop.”
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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.
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HOW YOU CAN TELL WHEN IT’S GOING TO BE
A ROTTEN DAY:
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You wake up face down on the pavement.
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You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
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You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
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You see a “60 minutes” news team waiting in your office.
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Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
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Your car horn goes off accidentally & remains stuck as
you follow a roup of Hell’s Angels on the freeway.
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Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a
headache.
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Your blind date turns out to be your ex.
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You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
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Your wife says, “Good morning, Bill” and
your name is George.
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My nephew, who has just started the first grade,
was asked to memorize the Ten Commandments.
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Upon reciting the commandment, “Thou shalt not
commit adultery,” he was asked what this
commandment meant.
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With absolute seriousness he replied,
“That means that you shouldn’t want to become
an adult.”
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QUIPS:
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You know what happens when you play country music backwards?
You quit drinking, you get your wife back, you’re rehired and your
lost dog comes home.
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Why is it that all the semi drivers who cut me off or pull out
in front of me never seem to have that “How’s My Driving?”
telephone number on the back of their trucks?
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Inflation’s at zero? Wow, it’s finally keeping up with my salary.
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In 10 years there will be radio stations playing classic rap.
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“Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.”

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If you would like to be included on my “Clean Humor”
list, send a blank email to jhmaida[at]hotmail.com with
“=Include Me=” as the subject. I do not write the jokes.
I only pass on the ones I think are funny. Laughter is
good for the immune system.
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