TODAYS RIDDLE:

I move without wings, between silken strings,
I leave as you find, my substance behind.
What am I?

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A Spider.
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On his first visit to the zoo, a little boy stared at the
caged stork for a long time. He waved, jumped up
and down, and stared at the stork a while longer.
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Finally, turning to his father, he exclaimed,
“Gee, Dad, he doesn’t recognize me.”
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There are two polite people having dinner together. On
the table there is a dish with one big piece of fish and
one small piece of fish.
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They politely say to each other: “You may choose first.”
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“No, you may choose first.”
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And this goes on for a while.
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Then the first person says: “OK, I’ll take first.”
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And he takes the BIG piece of fish.
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The second person: “Why did you take the big piece?
That’s not polite!”
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The first person says: “Which piece would *you* have taken?”
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The second person replies: “Why, I would have taken the
SMALL piece, of course.”
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The first person says: “Well, that’s what you have now!”
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Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark,
ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, “Do you play hockey,
soccer, or any physical sport?”
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“Not at all. I just play bridge with my wife.”
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ONE LINERS: [ Thanks to Renee ]

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I saw a bald eagle the other day.
All of its feathers were combed over to one side.
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An argument with my husband tends to make me
want to clean something . . . with his toothbrush.
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There are two types of roads in our country.
One is under construction and the other is under repair.
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Never catch snowflakes with your tongue
until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
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The older I get, the more I start to walk like Fred Sanford.
or . . . if you can remember . . . Walter Brennan!
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You are making progress . . . if each mistake is a new one
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Nobody ever got their money’s worth out of a tube of Super Glue.
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An FBI agent was talking to a bank teller, after the
bank was robbed for the third time by the same bandit.
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“Did you notice anything special about the man?” he asked.
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“Yes, he seems better dressed each time,” the teller replied.

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If you would like to be included on my “Clean Humor”
list, send a blank email to jhmaida[at]hotmail.com with
“=Include Me=” as the subject. I do not write the jokes.
I only pass on the ones I think are funny. Laughter is
good for the immune system.
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