TODAYS RIDDLE:

What color is depicted bellow?

BRLEUDE

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Purple.

Red mixed with Blue makes purple
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A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons,
noticed a man get up and leave during the
middle of his message.
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The man returned just before the conclusion
of the service.
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Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he
had gone.
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“I went to get a haircut,” was the reply.
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“But,” said the pastor, “why didn’t you do that before
the service?”
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“Because,” the gentleman said, “I didn’t need one then.”
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“Reportedly” True Headlines
———————————–
March Planned For Next August
Lingerie Shipment Hijacked–Thief Gives Police The Slip
Patient At Death’s Door–Doctors Pull Him Through
Diaper Market Bottoms Out
Stadium Air Conditioning Fails–Fans Protest
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar
Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn’t Seen in Years
Death Causes Loneliness, Feelings of Isolation
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A woman takes her dog to the vet and tells him that she thinks it’s
dead.
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He puts the dog on the table and turns to take a cat out of
cage nearby. He places the cat by the head of the dog and the
cat then proceeds to walk along the dog. The dog doesn’t move.
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“Your dog is definitely dead, madam. And that will be $120.”,
concludes the vet.
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“Good gracious.”, replies the woman, “how could it be so much?”
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“Well, that’s $20 for my consultation and $100 for the cat scan.”
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Short Jokes:
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I may be in trouble. I met a lady who said I looked like her
third husband, and then I found out she had only been
married twice.
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A Jewish woman is sitting at a bar. A man approaches her.
‘Hi, honey,’ he says. ‘Want a little company?’ ‘Why?’ asks
the woman. ‘Do you have one to sell?’
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I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said
‘Who’s speaking please?’ And a voice said, ‘You are.’
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A guy goes in to see a psychiatrist. He says, “Doc, I can’t seem
to make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?”
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Pupil: “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?”
Teacher: “Of course not.”
Pupil: “Good, because I haven’t done my homework.”
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Teacher: “Why are you late?”
Student: “There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.”
Teacher: “That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it?”
Student: “No. I was standing on it.”
.
You’d probably get a better score if you bowled during an
earthquake.
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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where
a train stops. My desk is a work station.
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Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team? Because
everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
..
On a tombstone: “I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK.”
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CAMPING TIPS:
———————————-
A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent
side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes
an excellent hockey puck.
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You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican
food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.
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The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes
excellent kindling.
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It’s entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding
mountain road behind a large motor home.
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Effective January 1, 2006, you will actually have to enlist in the
Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife.
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If you would like to be included on my “Clean Humor”
list, send a blank email to jhmaida[at]hotmail.com with
“=Include Me=” as the subject. I do not write the jokes.
I only pass on the ones I think are funny. Laughter is
good for the immune system.
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