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TODAYS RIDDLE :

A rich old lady died and left all her money to her
grandchildren and her children. At the end of the
will she stated that she had one last thing to give
away: her precious diamond. She gave a clue to
where it might be. She said “it’s in a cylinder
surrounded by a thousand squares.” One
grandchild said, “I know where it is” and found it.
Where was it?

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Scroll down for the answer
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Here it comes
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In a roll of toilet paper
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Deer Season :
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The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the
last day of hunting season. A pastor asked who had
bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the
pastor said, “I don’t get it. Last Sunday many of
you said you were missing because of hunting season.
I had the whole congregation pray for your deer.”
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One hunter groaned, “Well, it worked. They’re all safe.”
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His wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics
absolutely guaranteed to make her looks years longer.
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She sat in front of the mirror for what had to be hours
applying the “miracle” products. Finally, when she was
done, she turned to her husband and said, “Hon, honestly
now, what age would you say I am?”
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He nodded his head in assessment, and carefully said,
“Well, hon, judging from your skin, twenty. Your hair,
mmmm, eighteen. Your figure, twenty-five.”
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“Oh, you’re so sweet!”
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“Well, hang on, I’m not done adding it up yet.”
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It was the end of the day when a cop parked his police
van in front of the station. As he gathered his equipment,
his K-9 partner was barking and he saw a little boy
staring in at him.
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“Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked.
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“It sure is,” he replied.
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Puzzled, the boy looked at him and then towards the
back of the van. Finally he said, “What’d he do?”
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Two guys, George and Harry, set out in a hot air
balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours
in the air, George says, “Harry, we better lose some
altitude so we can see where we are.”
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Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and
the balloon descends to below the cloud cover.
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George says, “I still can’t tell where we are, let?s ask
that guy on the ground.”
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So, Harry yells down to the man, “Hey, could you tell
us where we are?”
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The man on the ground yells back, “You’re in a balloon,
100 feet up in the air.”
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George turns to Harry and says, “That man must be
a lawyer.”
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Harry says, “How can you tell?”
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“Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate,
and totally useless.”
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Bubba’s sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident,
which caused her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly
six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer
pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
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The doctor replies, Ma’am, you had twins – a boy and a girl.
The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them.”
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The woman thinks to herself, “Oh, no! Not Bubba; he’s an idiot!”
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the
girl’s name?”
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“Denise,” the doctor answers.
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The new mother thinks, “Wow! that’s a beautiful name!
I guess I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name Denise.”
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Then she asks the doctor, “What’s the boy’s name?”
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The doctor replies, “Denephew.”

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If you would like to be included on my “Clean Humor”
list, send a blank email to jhmaida[at]hotmail.com with
“=Include Me=” as the subject. I do not write the jokes.
I only pass on the ones I think are funny. Laughter is
good for the immune system.
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