# Devil’s Beatitudes

Followed by the Exiled Believers’ Beatitudes (from Mark; you’ll figure out which is which):

Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians — they are my best work.

Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week in a church — they’d only be bored to death and expected to do more work for free for the church.

Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church — they are my missionaries.

Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church — they will profit by 10% by not paying their tithes … and even more by not adding their offerings and “love gifts’ on top of that.

Blessed are the trouble makers — they shall be called my children.

Blessed are the trouble makers — the Bible calls them prophets.

Blessed are the complainers — I’m all ears to them

Blessed are the complainers — change never happens through conforming sheep.

Blessed are those who are bored with the minister’s mannerisms and mistakes — for they get nothing out of the sermons.

Blessed are those who are bored with the minister’s mannerisms and mistakes and tell them so — nothing ever changes without criticism.

Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church — for he or she is a part of the problem instead of the solution.

Blessed is the person who expects to be welcomed in any church — for he or she is a part of the solution instead of the problem.

Blessed are those who are easily offended — for they will soon get angry and quit.

Blessed are those who want excellence — for they will push for excellence and a New Reformation.

Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry on God’s work for they are my helpers.

Blessed are those who do not give their tithes or offerings or “love gifts” to the church – for the majority of the money is used to support the decaying institution and its dying clergy rather than really helping the needy.

Blessed are you who, when you read this, think it is about other people and not yourself — I’ve got you, too!

Blessed are you who, when you read this, don’t try to think up lame excuses for the appalling state of the contemporary church – you’re part of the New Reformation.