A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, “Are they relatives of yours?”

“Yes,” his wife replied. “I married into the family.” . ========================== . Jane, holding a baby, walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store’s baby scale.

“Sorry, ma’am,” says the clerk. “Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby’s weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first.”

“Oh, that won’t work,” says Jane

“Why not?” asks the clerk.

“Because,” she answers, “I’m not the mother, I’m the aunt.” . ========================== . CONFUCIUS SAYS…..

“Man who run in front of car get tired”

“Man who run behind car get exhausted”

“Two wrongs not make a right – Three lefts do”

“Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.”

“War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.”

“Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!”

“Man who sit on tack get point!” ( or, will rise to great heights )

“Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!”

“Man who lives in glass house should change in basement”

“If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.” . ========================== . A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention.

The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: “Ah, he’s not that friendly. That’s his bowl you’re using.” . ========================== . 1. Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

2. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but duck when you throw a revolver at him?

3. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

4. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

5. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

6. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

7. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

8. Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

9. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?”

11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

12. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

13. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

14. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they’re okay, then it’s you.