How It Feels To Be Small . Oliver Wendell Holmes once attended a meeting in which he was the shortest man present. “Dr. Holmes,” quipped a friend, “I should think you’d feel rather small among us big fellows.” . “I do,” retorted Holmes. “I feel like a dime among a lot of pennies.” . ========================== . After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree and the pastor greets the family.

“Pastor,” Johnny says, “I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust.”

“That’s right, Johnny, I did.”

“And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust.”

“Yes, I’m glad you were listening. Why do you ask?”

“Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed ’cause there’s someone either comin’ or goin’!” . ========================== . Near the end of a particularly trying round of golf, during which the golfer had hit numerous fat shots, he said in frustration to his caddy, “I’d move heaven and earth to break a hundred on this course.” . “Try heaven,” said the caddy. “You’ve already moved most of the earth.” . ========================== . A spiritualist who’d recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she’d just received a message from her dead husband, asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes. “The only thing is,” she mused, “that I don’t know where to send them.” . “Why not?” asked her friend. . “Well, he didn’t actually say that he was in Heaven, but I can’t imagine he’d be in Hell.” . “Hmm,” responded the friend. “Well, maybe I shouldn’t bring this up, but, he didn’t mention anything about including matches in the package, did he?” . ========================== . Three boys were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship. He said, “My dad’s way faster than any of yours, he can throw a 90-mph fast ball from the pitcher’s mound and run and catch it just after it crosses the plate!”

One of the other boys said, “Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot an arrow from his bow and run to the target and hold it up to make sure the arrow hits the bulls eye!”

The last boy said, “Your dads don’t even come close to being faster than mine. My dad works for the government, and even though he works every day until 4:00 he gets home at 3:30!”