A sign writer in my home town had a simple slogan:

“I made signs before I could talk!”

In the Bordertown bakery back in June, Judy and I saw a notice at the pie counter that required some chewing over:

“If you like beef, we have beef pies

If you like chicken, we have chicken pies

If you like bacon, we have bacon pies

If you like vegetables, we have vegetable pies

If you like apple, we have apple pies

If you like cream, we have cream pies

If you have never eaten a pie, we have pies that have never been eaten!”

I also recall a small restaurant near Melbourne University many years ago called “The Taming of the Stew.” Does it still exist? And is there really one in Carlton called: “Lentil as Anything”?

I’m sure you’ve noticed the sign on display behind the counter of some small businesses: “Our credit manager is Miss Helen Waite. If you’re looking for credit, please go to Helen Waite!”

There was pizza restaurant that had signs around the walls, one of which read: “We’ve made a deal with the bank. They don’t make pizzas, and we don’t cash cheques.”

A friend of mine ran a mechanic business with assign inside his workshop: “Hourly rates $75

$100 if you watch

$200 if you try to help.”

My favourite was on the outside of the camping goods shop that was opposite an amateur theatre company that was hosting visiting groups of players for a spring-time Shakespearian festival. Their sign was brilliant:

“Now is the discount of our winter tents!”