Two professional marathon runners – bitter rivals – were having lunch together, when one suddenly put his thumb in his ear and started speaking into his little finger. When he stopped he said to his rival: “If you’re wondering why I did that, it’s because I need to be in touch with my agent and all the media circus who are always needing to book interviews. Even today’s miniaturised mobiles are too likely to upset my rythm as I’m training, so I got a transmitter surgically implanted in my thumb and a receiver implanted in my little finger, and it’s so much more convenient.” The other didn’t reply, but suddenly looked out the window and began a very forceful conversation with an invisible person. He turned back and explained: “Yes, those implants are a fantastic idea, but I felt it would be so bad for my image that I implanted my top lip with a transmitter, and I have a receiver in my ear lobe. So I can be on the phone and no-one would ever notice!”

The first suddenly belched: “Oh excuse me,” he replied, “I have a fax coming through!”