BASIC CONDITIONS OF EMPLOYMENT ACT
Dear Staff,
*SALARIES*
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
o If we see you wearing a Gold chain, Nike sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
o If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise.
o If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
*PERSONAL DAYS:*
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
*LUNCH BREAK:*
o Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
o Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
o Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
*SICK DAYS:*
o We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness.
o If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
*RESTROOM USE*:
a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls.
o At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, in the toilet
o Paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
o After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin category.
Have a nice week.
Management
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