A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor. While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police.

When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said, “This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important.”

Two days went by and the construction workers couldn’t stand it any more; they had to know who they had found. They called the police and said, “We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important.”

The police said, “It’s not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important.”

“Well, who was it?”

“The 1956 Blonde National Hide-and-Seek Champion.” . ========================== . A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business!

The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, “How much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied,”$300 a week. Why?”

The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. now GET OUT and don’t come back!”

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?”

From across the room came a voice, “He was the delivery guy from Domino’s Pizza.” . ========================== . One-Liners :

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

All I need is $1,000,000. Care to make a donation?

Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

Act my age? I’ve never BEEN my age before! I have no experience.

Actually officer, if you factor in the earth’s rotation, we were all speeding.

Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well, and still waiting for a dial tone!

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. . ==========================

RE : OLD PEOPLE : . A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.

Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties).

The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, “So tell me, do I come here often?” …………………………………………………………………. ….

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%.

He went back in a month and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

…………………………………………………………………. ..

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”

The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?”

The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know…the one that’s red and has thorns.”

“Do you mean a rose?”

“Yes, that’s the one,” replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”

…………………………………………………………………. .

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?”

Second one says, “No, it’s Thursday!”

Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer.”

………………………………………………………………….

Maurice, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Maurice walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman in his arm. After another couple of days later, the doctor called Maurice and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?” Maurice replied, “Just doing what yo u said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’ The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.'”