Raising a P.K. Compiled by Tamara Colver, Jason Huffman and Jessica Snow, children of three pastors

“They (Pastor’s Kids) are fortunate to be exposed to some of the greatest riches under heaven, as well as the deepest pain on earth. They are children who have been selected by God to experience His work from a unique position. Thus, as their parents, we have been granted the awesome task of helping our children see and experience God through sometimes seemingly empty religion and human dysfunction.”

20 things to remember as you are raising a PK:

1. Don’t let your ministry take precedence over your kids. (Make your children your priority.)

2. Don’t put pressure on your children to be better than other children their age. “When clergy parents place unrealistic expectations on their kids, they place incredible pressure on them. The children often interpret this as conditional love from their parents. If children feel and believe that they can never make their parents happy, they will do one of two things. They will quit trying and rebel, or they will develop such a sense of perfectionism that they will never be content or truly happy.”

3. Don’t make negative comments about your children over the pulpit, in sermons, or in announcements, etc.

4. Ask your children for permission to use them in a story or sermon.

5. Don’t hinder the child’s emotional responses at a church function by constantly watching over them. (Give your children the privacy they need to carry out a right relationship with God.)

6. Praise in public; rebuke in private.

7. Your children are not “church business” they are “your business.” “We can never make everyone happy. We are going to make mistakes and we are entitled to make them. God teaches us many things through the errors of our ways. We can also use mistakes to create a closer relationship with our children.”

8. Don’t make your children carry a huge workload at the church—when of age, give them an option. (To pick up the slack, have a member volunteer their help.)

9. Keep your children informed of the good things that happen in your ministry—let them see that hard work and dedication pays off.

10. Allow your children to have personal time with themselves and friends.

(Give them playtime.)

“The purpose of childhood is to explore all the wonder, fascination and joy that life has to offer. Growing, learning and experiencing life in a safe way will draw children toward a healthy sense of self-worth and a tender relationship with God.”

11. Children learn most of their habits through demonstration. If you act one way in private and another way in public, they will also. “We must remember that our children learn the nature of God based upon their relationship with us. If we are critical and judgmental, they will view God as being the same. If we are unconditionally loving, fair and patient, they will see God in a similar way.”

12. Don’t let others treat your children as if they should be perfect—because they are not.

13. Remind your children that it is a privilege and an honor to be allowed to go to church.

14. Don’t force your children to minister at special events—sometimes they need to be on the receiving side of ministry.

15. Don’t compare your children to others—every child is unique.

16. Remind your children that they must earn respect from others.

17. If your children are in conflict with another member, encourage them to deal with the situation themselves—conflict management is learned through experience.

18. Create opportunities for your children to participate in ministry.

19. Teach your children to appropriately honor and treat other pastors and leadership with respect. “It is our job to love, guide and discipline them with a sense of joy and commitment. Children learn to respect themselves as well as others if it is first demonstrated toward them.”

20. Unconditionally love them no matter what!

Recommended Reading:

“Counsel for Pastor’s Wives” by Diane Langberg

“Heart to Heart with Pastors’ Wives” compiled by Lynne Dugan