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Humor

Christmas songs

Can you guess the Christmas songs?

1. Quadruped with crimson proboscis

2. 5 p.m. to 6 a.m. without noise

3. Miniscule hamlet in the far east

4. Ancient benevolent despot

5. Adorn the vestibule

6. Exuberance directed to the planet

7. Listen, aerial spirits harmonizing

8. Monarchial trio

9. Yonder in the haystack

10. Assemble, everyone who believes

11. Hallowed post meridian

12. Fantasies of a colorless December 25th

13. Tin tintinnabulums

14. A dozen 24-hour Yule periods

15. Befell during the transparent bewitching hour

16. Homo sapiens of crystallized vapor

17. I merely desire a pair of incisors

18. I spied my maternal parent osculating a fat man in red

19. Perambulating through a December solstice fantasy

20. Aloft on the acme of the abode

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1. Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer

2. Silent Night

3. O Little Town of Bethlehem

4. Good King Wenceslas

5. Deck the Halls6. Joy to the World

7. Hark the Herald Angels Sing

8. We Three Kings9. Away in a Manger

10. Come All Ye Faithful11. O Holy Night

12. I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas

13. Silver Bells

14. The Twelve Days of Christmas

15. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

16. Frosty the Snowman

17. All I want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

18. I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus

19. Walking Through a Winter Wonderland

20. Up on the Rooftop

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Overheard in a golf course parking lot: Golf is a terrible game. I hate it. I’m just glad I don’t have to play it again until tomorrow.

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Secret Formula :

The police recently busted a man selling ‘ secret formula’ tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for commiting this same criminal medical fraud.

He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983………..

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One-Liners :

A diet is when you have to go to some length to change your width.

You are drunk when you feel sophisticated but you are not able to pronounce it.

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.

Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.

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A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a Pepsi Cola truck. The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, “Are you seriously hurt?”

“How would I know until my lawyer gets here ?” the driver responds. “

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A newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and was interviewing one of the prisoners. “Do you watch much television here?”

“Only the daytime shows,” the inmate said. “At night we’re locked in our cells and don’t see any television.”

“That’s too bad,” the reporter said, “But I do think it is nice that the warden lets you watch it in the daytime.”

“What do you mean, nice?” the inmate said. “That’s part of the punishment.”

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Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. “However, if you’re over 65,” he said, ” the price will be only $5.50.” From the back of the congregation, a woman’s voice rang out,

“Do you really think I’d give you that information for only 50 cents?”

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My Shopping Mall :

http://www.ishopint.com/mall.asp?ID=shoponline

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